Still being gaslit and controlled

[Hereagainainti]

I split from my abusive ex (detail removed by moderator) after calling the police and him being arrested (detail removed by moderator) Ss were called as procedure by police.
my ex is saying all sorts of rubbish. The ss visit went well and assured me things were fine. I told her the situation regarding the abuse and mental abuse! But now I’m worried as they will Obs bring this to his attention. He contacts me everyday to speak to our (detail removed by moderator) year old,yet we’ve had no contact from him for (detail removed by moderator) days now which is very out of character. He is due to pick our son up (detail removed by moderator) but I’m worried he won’t bring him back. If he does turn up that is!
any advice?

[Lisa]

Hi Hereagainainti,

Welcome to the forum.

It’s understandable that you’re feeling worried, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot recently and things are still unsure. Social Services will likely need to speak to him as well but their focus is on the wellbeing of your children rather than your experience of abuse and there shouldn’t be a need to share what you’ve told them with him. If you haven’t already, you might want to get in touch with your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support.

Changing his contact with you with no warning or explanation could be his way of deliberately unsettling you to give himself some power in this new situation. Perpetrators not returning their children is a concern for a lot of women in your situation. If he has parental responsibility and there is no court order in place then he can legally not return your child. You might want to get some legal advice around this. Coram’s Child Law Advice website has lots of information on family law as it relates to children and they have a helpline and webchat service where you can get advice. Rights of Women can provide free legal advice on areas of law often needed around domestic abuse, including issues around children through their family law advice line. Your local domestic abuse service may also be able to help you with accessing legal advice.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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