Still can’t admit it is abuse

[Caledonia6]

Hi, I’ve been with my husband for (detail removed by Moderator) years. I feel like when things are going well it gives me hope it can always be like this but it never lasts.
He can be very generous, kind charming and a good listener.
He can also belittle me, criticise me (physical appearance) or the way I do things.
On (detail removed by Moderator) separate occasions he has hit me in the back ( not very hard ) but enough for me to cry. He told me to stop crying as it didn’t really hurt!
He has thrown water over me in argument, thrown expensive (detail removed by Moderator) I bought for dinner across the worktop.
Flicked my ear, not listening when i said I was sore when he had a hold of my (detail removed by Moderator) it left a big bruise. (This was not done with malicious intent) however he didn’t listen when I told him to let go.
(detail removed by Moderator) I went to get something out of a cupboard ans a bowl fell out and broke he had his back to me and must have got a fright he turned around and started shouting at me to get out of the kitchen as he was cooking or he would hit he stopped mid sentence. He obviously meant me.
I brought us (detail removed by Moderator) gave him the the tray, the (detail removed by Moderator) spilled all over him and he went mad saying it was my fault, and he went on and on. I can’t understand why I allow myself to be treated like this
Thanks for reading

[Caledonia6]

I should also have mentioned he has no boundaries when it comes to relationship with other women (mainly co workers wives or clients ) he is a shoulder to cry on for them, even when I say it makes me uncomfortable.

[Headspin]

Hi Caledonia6, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds horrible and similar to how my husband behaved.The criticism and belittling is a tactic they use to undermine you. Then they’re nice again and it’s so confusing. Weirdly, my husband loved being the big shot with other women too. it must stroke their ego. I wish I’d got out of the marriage years ago, look after yourself and know that you deserve better

[browneyedmum]

Have a read of Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That?” — there’s an online version available for free if you know where to look. Its very eye opening. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe, loved, and respected. Take care of you and stay safe xX.

[nbumblebee]

Ive been here almost 3 years on this site and i still cant believe it sweetie.
They like to play a game where they will hurt us then reel us back in google the circle of abuse this helped me.
Get on tictok or social media read up all you can knowing the signs reading other people say just what you go theough what you feel makes you re think more if others feel it see it then it has to be something. Keep yourself safe xx

[roadtohealing]

Hi,
I’m so sorry to hear that you are going though such a hard time. I too have been in an emotionally abusive marriage for many years now and still can’t understand why people do this to another person. I suppose it’s their way of ‘dealing’ with their low esteemed pathetic selves. It’s cruel, it’s nasty, and it leaves such deep scars, that no amount of years can ever heal.

I wish I could give you some kind of comfort or words that will give you strength, but how do you when all your own energy and confidence has all been consumed, when you yourself feel so invisible and irrelevant from years of emotional injury and damage?

All I can say is be strong, stay safe and work your way though each day, each moment bit by bit, keep posting, it does help.

Take care.

[Anonymous]

I. Always denied it was abuse because admitting that meant I knew it was wrong, and knowing it was wrong meant I had to do something for myself to flee and not make excuses for not doing.
I ignored my own gut for many yrs, until my own mind cracked, I don’t remember much of the early days of leaving other than (from what I’ve been told) I walked for days and days knowing I wasn’t ever going bk .I guess what I’m trying to say is our minds have a way of catching up with us, no matter how much we try and deny the truth.keep talking

[roadtohealing]

You’re absolutely right, our minds and past experiences drives our actions without us even knowing it because you reach a point when you just snap and cannot take any more of anything anymore!

I go from denying my situation like you mentioned because reality is too much to accept and doing something about it terrifies me, to sinking into a deep dark place where I absolutely know and admit this is no way to live.

I hope we all find the life we all deserve, thank you for listening to me and helping me believe I exist. 🙏🏻

[Caledonia6]

This is exactly how I feel.
I hope one day soon I will be able to leave

[Author]

Posts