Still confused.

[Thisisme]

Firstly, I want to say thiank you for all of your support you are all really helping me. I’m not good at reply to your beautiful and supportive messages but blurting out my feelings in a topic and getting your feedback is slowly making me feel better every day.

I had a long drawn out conversation via email with him today, every message I receive he is so remorseful and sorry for what he had done. I sense that it’s because I actually left and he’s feeling more sorry for himself having to be alone and face his demons than what he actually did to me. If he cared about me he wouldn’t be sharing with me just how suicidal he’s feeling and how he doesn’t know how he is going to live with himself after everything that he’s done. I believe him, but I know that doesn’t mean he loves me and I know that means I will still never want him back. It hurts to know how much pain he is in but he blames his personality disorder his illness too much. He knows that it wasn’t that that made him physically hurt me. I know he really wants to get better but it’s too late for us and there has been too much pain, mentally and physically. He confuses me so much, he’s been open with everyone including his family about what he’s done to me. They are all devastated. They loved me and my daughter so much and they have all lost a lot too. It’s f*****g heart breaking and would be such a tragic end to a love story if he hadn’t left me in bruises on muntiple occasions through out our relationship.
It’s really hard to make sense of all of this.

[Lisa]

Hi Thisisme,

I just wanted to show you some support. Firstly I want to say well done for leaving this abusive relationship. You have been incredibly brave and strong and I hope you are proud of yourself. It is very normal to be feeling confused and domestic abuse is very confusing! It is also normal to feel sad and to grieve the relationship as there were bound to be some happy times and happy memories however what is key is that you know that you have done the right thing for you and your daughter. You both deserve to feel safe and happy and that is always the missing ingredient in an abusive relationship.

Please do know that if you want to talk you can phone the helpline any time and also please consider getting in touch with your local Women’s Aid group for some ongoing support and for access to the freedom program which will help you understand the depth of his abuse and manipulation. You may well find it helpful not to have any contact with him as the contact will only try to make you feel sorry for him and make you feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty of, he choose to abuse you and you did the right thing leaving. You do not owe him any more of your time and it is important that you put yourself and your daughter first and do not let him manipulate you any more.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Form Moderator

[Author]

Posts