Still exhausted after leaving

[Lightness]

I suffered a lot from feeling exhausted while I was with my abuser. I had a lot of other stuff going on while I was with him, and I had a stressful job as well, so at the time I put it down to these other things. As time went on I remember having panic attacks at work when I was at my most stressed.

I remember every few months that I become suddenly exhausted and remember thinking about trying to get a week off work to get some rest.

Now I can see that all of this was the effects of the abuse.

Now that I have left (some time ago), the episodes of exhaustion are back. Today I slept in until 10am (went to bed around 10pm) and I am still exhausted. If I had not just been off work for Christmas I would be taking time off again.

Does anyone else have these feelings of exhaustion. It’s so frustrating as there are so many things I would like to do with my new freedom but all the energy I have goes on going to work and just continuing to get through the days.

[KIP.]

I think you should speak to your GP. Just to check iron levels and check there is nothing physical. I think it sounds like the effects of the trauma you went through. It will take a while to recover but in the early days I used to set myself three simple tasks a day to do. It could be just have a shower, put the bin out and buy some shopping. That was all I could manage. I had to give up work long ago because of his abuse. I just didn’t have the head space to deal with it so well done for keeping on working. I know this is hard too but if you could manage some exercise. Just walk a little further each day if you can force yourself or if you can fit a walk in on the way back from work. It’s good to feel putting one foot in front of the other. Moving forward. Fresh air. Taking in the sights around you. Mostly be very kind to yourself. You’ve been through a trauma X

[Serenity]

I was left with chronic fatigue syndrome / fibromyalgia from the abuse.

It’s worth checking it out with your GP. It may just be part of the trauma, but it’s worth having a doctor check you over.

I think overcoming abuse is a mammoth task, and we are bound to feel exhausted as we move through the different levels.

I don’t feel guilty now about sleeping during the day if I need it. When with him, I would never have done that, even when he was out: it was like I felt he was watching me with some hidden camera!

We are free now. Let us sleep as much as we need, and follow the path to healing which seems right for us x

[Lightness]

Thanks KIP
I have felt better as the day has gone on – I just get floored from time to time. I can relate to just doing a few things each day. When I was with him I was constantly busy doing stuff for him and it is so nice now that I am allowed to sit down at the weekend if I want to. I can go to bed whatever time I like.
Yes, we all need to be kind to ourselves after the trauma of abuse. I will go to the GP x

[Lightness]

Thankyou Serenity – your words are very wise. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all that you have x

[Nova]

Lightness..Wow yes I feel done in..Sometimes I am too tired to eat think sleep …Then I have moments of anxiety where I’m like on fast forward! Getting annoyed with myself that I need to be doing things as I’m fresh out of it…With him I was always making myself busy making sure everything was just right…& My adrenalin level must have been through the roof. The stress of the panic feeling…I still have that & just want that churning feeling to go. + Now I have hospital appointments…I’ve never
been as Ill generally since meeting him..Honestly shows you how the mind & body are combined. Some things are permanent damage & I have no doubt they are due to the stress of my life.

Have to keep going 🙂
Cx

[phantasmagorical]

Hi Lightness,

Yes, I relate to the feelings of exhaustion very well. Over time I also became more unable to cope with work and started to have panic attacks. I was signed off sick, and when I went back I was using up my holiday hours to give myself breaks.

I feel quite depressed, so I think perhaps that is contributing to me feeling tired all the time. Also the lack of sunlight and not caring for my diet properly. In general though, some days I feel like I could sleep around the clock. I most look forward to just lying in bed and drifting off whilst watching / listening to TV. People are noticing that I seem tired all the time despite not doing much these days, and it’s kind of embarrassing. I feel I have to prove that I’m not being lazy but it just exhausts me more.

[Lightness]

Thanks Cuppa and Phantasmagorical
There are a lot of similarities for us all. It’s easy to underestimate what our minds/bodies have had to go through. We need to respect this and help them heal

x

[Anonymous]

Hi Lightness I too feel completely exhausted most of the time, struggle to get through each day, my anxieties are through the roof, this completely wears me out & you’re right what we’ve been through puts a huge burden on our emotional physical & mental wellbeing. I left quite a while ago but flashbacks & triggers completely tire me, I over think all the time & spent do long in that abusive relationship my own behaviours of being on guard constantly just don’t go

[Anonymous]

It’s exhausting to always feel on guard all the time but it’s just how abuser somehow brainwashed me Now I no longer trust myself either

[Lightness]

I’m pleased to say that (touch wood) I am slowly getting more energy – for the first time in years. I hope that means that we will all enjoy more energy as time heals us x

[Nova]

Pleased to hear Lightness, we all need quality sleep and rest, a balance. I’m seemingly battling with anxiety, sleep, worry…I’m still on the health roller coaster. I have lots to do and I realise it’s about pacing, but the pressure to ‘get it all sorted’ is real, there is no one (like many many other ladies I know this) to help.

This is what keeps me awake, I wake, insecurity, and fear of my future..
I get up like now and just can’t relax!

Keep trying all the self help…and keep going

It’s reassuring to hear your doing well 🙂

Cx

Cx

[Lightness]

I recognise what you are saying Cuppa. I guess it takes time, and also the ‘having to get it sorted’ means we are still suffering the consequences.

We wil get there x

[Positiveandlookingahead]

I feel exhausted too he’s sucked the life out of me and then divorcing him felt like a physical punching battle. My body feels weak and shattered and my mind and emotions are at breaking point. It takes a long time to feel good again but you have to take it day by day. Sleep is another thing I agree with I usually sleep on weekends too because I’m so exhausted in the week. We have been through a tremendous amount of trauma we have to treat our bodies gently. We would not be putting ourselves through so much if we had an operation so we should apply the same mindset here. I think I need a spa day x*x

[Lightness]

Positive – you are absolutely right. I hope you get your spa day x

[Lyng]

I feel this way lately. The ex is torturing me through the kids ever since the government started collecting back support from him. He lies to them and sends them home angry and hostile. It is exhausting, all these negative emotions.

[Author]

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