This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  [email protected] 5 months, 1 week ago.

  • Author
  • #70544

    Hi, I’m new and very nervous saying all of this out loud..

    Been with my partner a few yrs now and (date removed by moderator) I’m leaving with my  children and going into refuge. Since I got my place I’ve been told to try act normal.. As a result of this after a bad Christmas and post new Yr which resulted in an assault on me and him showing his worst side he now thinks all is rosy and back to normal talking about booking a summer holiday.. I feel guilty.. Im questioning going  even though I know I’m doing the right thing. He’ll be heartbroken I’ve taken his son ( only youngest is his) and i don’t know how he’s going to take it all.. Should I care?! I Know he is an abuser, I know I need to leave, but still can’t shake this guilty feeling.. Anybody been through similar or can understand where I’m coming from?! Sorry if I’m babbling

  • #70546

    HEllo bubblepop,
    Yes I have. Planning to leave for refuge I know very well.
    It has to be the hardest thing I ever did. But the moment I was on the way life started getting better.
    And so it will for you and your kids.

    Please be careful. It is potentially a very dangerous time.

    All the many women before you who have made this journey to freedom will be with you in spirit.

    No, he doesn’t deserve your sympathy.

    Time to put your ‘boxing gloves’ on morally and fight.

    It will not be easy but you will get stronger.

    Bless all the women on here. And bless women’s aid. I remember all this too well.

    All the very best on your journey.

    ‘See you’ positng on here the other side of it…eh?

    keep posting. Make the steps to a new and better life…

    You have great moral courage, as I did and all women on here. You may have to do things which fly in the fact of what your ex wants, and those associated with him. But you are doing the right thing. Please don’t doubt it for one second.

    You will have strength you never thought possible..
    all best

  • #70549

    You’ve been brainwashed into feeling guilty. Please don’t carry his guilt for him. It means he does not have to. You’re doing the right thing. There will be lots of support for you in refuge. It will give you time and space to understand how abuse destroys your self confidence and self esteem. Exposing your child to domestic abuse is also a life sentence for them too. The detrimental effect of children caught in domestic abuse can show in mental illness in later life so you’re really protecting your child and giving them the best possible start in life. Once you have had counselling and help you will see this as the best thing you ever did for you and your child’s future. Abusing a mother is abusing the child. Even if it’s indirect. You can be a much better parent when away from an abuser. You have more headspace and more attention to give when everything doesn’t revolve around keeping your abuser happy. Get out while you can and take all the help offered. There is lots out there. You will be okay x

  • #70550

    just to let you know, your post is brilliant but I have reported it to Lisa as there is some detail in it which may be identifiable. Please don’t feel offended, you are doing brilliantly just better to be safe than sorry.
    all best

  • #70559

    If he was the one leaving, he wouldn’t even look back. Because you are a normal, sane person you can’t help thinking these things.
    Protect your children, protect yourself. Be safe, as we all should be.

  • #70560
     [email protected] 

    Stay strong and take that leap of faith. in time you’ll see this is the best thing to happen to you and your kids xx This is the first step to freedom grab hold of it, this is your life line. Believe everything will work out 🙂 when you are abuse free think of all the amazing things you will be able to do. Youll then have safety and peace back in your life, the most important thing anyone can give their family. Dont look back keep moving forwards x*x lots of luv diy mum x

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.


© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account