Still feeling guilty but want to leave

[My name is tallulah]

Hi all

I am not married but have been with my partner for a long time.

I have always felt as though everything was my fault and tried to overcompensate by giving in to him in various ways but I am beginning to see that some of his behaviour is abusive.

The worst is the constant gaslighting, twisting everything round so he is the victim, repeating things back to me that I have said to him, such as ‘you need to stop playing the victim’ or ‘im not sure if you have my best interests at heart’.

We have a toddler and he is a great dad but I see that his first priority is maintaining a prime role in our child’s life, and that he doesn’t really love me. I tried to break free a few months ago as he was pressuring me for sex and stonewalling me for days. He ended up getting me pregnant again anyway and I am left with the prospect bringing up two babies alone.

He is not violent or particularly jealous, he does not try to control me in overt ways, but he has recently moved into another room because I won’t give in to his sexual demands anymore.

I just don’t know what to do. My family are far away and I know if I try to spit he and his mother will make my life a misery over our child.

Anybody have any words if hope?

[KIP.]

You need to leave. Can you take the kids back to your family. My ex wasn’t violent at first. The violence comes when they lose control. The sexual coercion with my ex turned to rape. Because someone will make your life a misery if you leave is no reason to stay in an absive relationship. Ring the helpline number on here and talk to someone who can help you. I managed to escape after decades. This is not the kind of man you want influencing your children. Abusers also often get us pregnant as a means to control us though our children. My ex didn’t try to control me in overt ways because he was in control of things that mattered to him. It was only when I began to say no, that his behaviour became abusive. Sex was one of them and when he tried to give away lots of our money. The two major things in my life I said no to and both turned violent. Never underestimate these men. Abuse always gets worse. Pop into your local women’s aid or ring the rape crisis helpline. Don’t minimise his behaviour x

[Author]

Posts