Still Here

[Moonflower1]

Hello All

Its been nearly (detail removed by moderator) since I last posted and I am sad to say that I am still in the same situation. I have just read through some of my old posts and I am so angry with myself that I am allowing this to happen to me but I cannot seem to break free. I told myself that I would put up with his behaviour so that we could stay together for our daughter (her greatest fear is that we will split up) but the situation has begun to physically effect her to the point where she has vomited twice in the past week because he has started to involve her in our arguments, shouting at me in front of her, or the long tense silences where she has to sit in the same room as us. He blames me when this happens – ‘look what your behaviour is doing to her”

I feel so low and alone. My life feels empty and I have suicidal thoughts as I feel this would be the only way out. I have no one to turn to and nowhere to go.

Please help.

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi Moonflower,

I’m so sorry you are in this situation. I don’t have children of my own but how dare he subject your daughter to that and then blame you for it. Is the only reason you are with him still because of your daughter’s fear? I don’t know how old she is but I think children can sometimes surprise us positively in their understanding of why things have to change. Sometimes it’s more the fear of change, of the unknown than not wanting ones parents to split up. I have seen a book being recommended in other posts – I believe it was called when dad hurts mum – and I think it has phrases that can help you talk with her about it.

There are always other ways than the option your mind is full of right now when you wrote this post. I find when that thought creeps into my head and I can’t get it out by distracting myself, I call Samaritans, I call WA, I come on here and write. So it’s good you came here to post about how you are feeling, sometimes just saying it out loud / writing it is enough for the thought to disappear to the background. There is help out there, I promise you.

I’ve seen others on here who are also still with their partner and I know this from myself too; there comes an “enough is enough” moment for all of us. Maybe this just hasn’t happened for you yet, but you can still call WA for example and they can talk you through your options.

Sending you comforting thoughts

[Woollymammal]

Hi Moonflower,
I would not blame yourself, it is hard to leave, but only you can make that decision… And it sounds like you may be starting to as it’s now affecting your daughter whom you thougjt it would be best to stay for.. I agree will alwaysorry, children adapt to change a lot better than we think..
I would contact WA to give you some support .
Stay safe and hugs.. xx

[Moonflower1]

Thank you both for your reply. I appreciate your kind words.

He’s been away with work for a couple of days so it’s all calmed down and things start to go back to normal and it’s hard to imagine it even happened. He’s back tonight I’m starting to feel anxious. Wish he’d just go away and leave us alone but that is never going to happen.

Most people look forward to the weekend but I hate them. He’s always worse at the weekend when he’s not occupied.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Moonflower, I can feel your turmoil through your words. Your h is no longer being a ‘good dad’, he’s including your child in this cycle of abuse. It’s amazing how quickly we minimise his behaviour and think okay it’s calm, what do I need to do or not do to keep it that way? That’s not a healthy, loving relationship. They’re VERY good at shifting the blame, make it so plausible. The only way to protect your daughter from him is to leave. One day you’ll reach your enough is enough moment, I’m stunned at how quickly I’ve moved things on since then, all in secret too. I’ve had many many times over the years where I’ve wanted to kill myself, have tried too. Since realising one day, that it’s the relationship I want to end not me, has helped me on this road. It’s hard, sometimes seems impossible, just take one baby step at a time. One day you will be away from him, then you can start afresh, a blank page to be who you want to be. Show your daughter what being a women really is, show her the strength we’ve had for eons, stand on our shoulders, Soak up our strength. We are behind you and around you everywhere.
Much strength and love to you both, hope the weekend goes okay.
IWMB 💕💕

[Lightning-Jet]

Hi Moonflower,

I am so sorry to read this, my child has suffered similar and I too am struggling to get out of this abusive relationship.

When I am apart from him, I plan what to do, I know how to handle it.

But, when he returns after work, everything goes out of the window. My confidence goes, my plan goes straight out of my head. I clam up, and just feel full of hatred when I look at him. But I just can’t actually speak.

He too blames me infront of my child. I hate him for it and I hate myself for staying.

It’s such a horrible situation to be in.

Please don’t give up, you can get through this for your daughters sake.

Please do contact your local WA for help

Take care & big hugs

[Mommabear]

Me too ladies. I am reading this and in exactly the same position. I just want someone to wave a magic wand and for everything to be ok.

It’s like living in groundhog day….

I totally understand the weekend thing, I absolutely dread them.

Sending lots of hugs xxxx

[Author]

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