Still here, after (detail removed by Moderator) years and countless attempts to leave..

[Confusedgirl]

I’ve posted here for the last (detail removed by Moderator) years. Told my story or emotional, verbal, and controlling abuse.

And here i am (detail removed by Moderator) years later, still here. Countless attempts to leave, left and gone back, a stay in a refuge, offered housing, but never built up the courage to go. I feel scared, scared of the unknown and scared of how i will support myself and my 3 children. However, I have done ALOT of work on myself in the last 2 years, read books, seen counsellors, talked to women’s aid, listened to podcasts etc. I have gotten myself into University, and will (detail removed by Moderator) . Gaining me financial freedom and a career to leave when the time comes, however that is another 2 years away.. BUT i have a plan, and this is my ray of light and hope getting me through..

Things still going on (detail removed by Moderator) years later are

Twists everything i say, and i mean everything
Gaslighting
very manipulative, never ever in the wrong at all
cannot communicate with him, denies everything hes said and done, says im a liar
Aggressive, can be nasty and so short tempered with the children
Constantly puts me down
Nothing i do is right, literally finds fault in everything i do
Very insecure, needs me to be all over him 24/7 (which im not as i cant bear to be near him)
Swears constantly when i have asked him to stop for (detail removed by Moderator) years

I told him i wasn’t happy, that i didn’t love him anymore, straight to nastiness, saying (detail removed by Moderator).
Never self reflects, never asks why i am unhappy, straight to blaming me and playing the victim.

Told him i didn’t love him, i wasn’t happy, then he got into bed and coerced me into sex!! will not take no for a answer, gets angry and nasty when i say no and its been a few days!! Even though he knows i dont want it, that i don’t love him. i feel like im being raped..

What man sleeps with his wife after she has told him no so many time and that she doesn’t love him!!!

I hate him, i hate being here

2 years and im gone x*x

[nbumblebee]

Pretty much every word you have written is me apart from the fact ive been married over 2 decades been here a year. Ive not reached out but i do see a counsellor as i self harm and actually right now its bad.
I havent attempted to leave and doubt i ever will.
I dont love him I hate him at times too but have never told him that although he tells me all the time. I cant stand him anywhere near me he touches gropes makes me have sex all the time i hate it and i too hate living this life.
I love your determination though im sure you may not feel it but you sound strong sure certain and determined and i love that. I love you have a plan thats what i need to do. Im so sorry you are here too i really am but I thank you for posting youve made me feel a little less alone. Xxxx

[longjourneylife]

You two are so so amazing, good hearted, special women. I tried to leave for 6 years and had another 2 children in that time!! Whatever you’re doing, keep going, it’s ok ,you’re aware and know what’s what. Leaving will eventually come, when on its right for you. Well done inspirational ladies x*x

[Gerbil]

Thank you all for posting. Everything you have written confused girl is also my life. You are so strong. I am so pleased that you have a plan. Be proud of yourself! Take care x

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