STILL LIVING IN HELL

[Joebloggs]

It’s been (detail removed by Moderator) years since my disastrous cry for help which ended up in ME being referred to Social Services for “choosing” to stay with an abuser because I could not afford the (detail removed by Moderator) per month accommodation that I was being offered. I’m still trying my best to stay under the radar and avoid another run in with Social Services while traversing the mine field of my husbands clear mental illness. One moment he is fine, the next he isn’t and he flares up about the strangest things. (detail removed by Moderator) I was apparently having an affair with our postman as he kept coming to our door. T(detail removed by Moderator) he saw men jumping out of our bedroom window. (Oh yes, I’ve been to see the GP about him but unless he goes for help himself they won’t do anything).

I’m now banned from going to the GP, shopping, seeing my friends or family and more importantly work. So no work, no money. I’m way past the end of my tether but just don’t trust anyone anymore, not after last time. I’ve thought about making a late night run for it and taking my son to sleep in the park with a tent. I know it’s not that safe but it’s got to be better than this! I’ve tried applying for housing benefit so that I could rent a room but was told that unless I sell my house I don’t qualify as I have too much equity.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Just wishing that rock would smash me over the head and be done with it.

[SunshineRainflower]

Sorry to hear this Joebloggs, I know exactly how you feel albeit for a slightly different home situation! Your sentence at the end made me laugh, I can relate. I had a similar experience when I rang the council about housing, they said I couldn’t be classed as priority need for housing if I couldn’t afford the rent! I tried to explain to them that I was in desperate need but still job hunting so could only accept a flat once I had a job. They just didn’t seem to get it, the logic of some people is infuriating especially jobsworths who don’t seem to have much common sense.

What does your husband do in the way of preventing you from working? Is there a way you could convince him to let you work for money reasons then stash some cash away and find a cheap flat to rent or even a refuge while you find your feet again? Can you move in with friends or family temporarily, block him then start working again to afford a flat?

It’s so tricky navigating these situations but I believe it is possible as others have managed which gives me hope, I am trying to escape one myself. We have to plan so that we don’t end up in a worse situation. Have you rung the helpline and your local domestic abuse team?

[Lisa]

Hi Joebloggs,

Thank you for posting, it must have taken a lot of courage to reach out for support again. Are you able to call the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247) to discuss your options? I understand you do not have faith in support after what happened last time but the Helpline Workers will listen to you and perhaps be able to find options for you and your son to leave safely. Have you been in touch with your local support group in the past? You can find details here.

Please do keep posting to us. There is support here, you don’t have to go through this alone.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Joebloggs]

Hi All

Thanks for your encouraging words. My husband forced me to give up work (detail removed by Moderator) ago. He started forcing me to call in sick for days just to “keep him company”. If I refused I was subjected to days of verbal abuse. Eventually he started using my son as ammunition- “if I was a good mother I’d be at home waiting for my son to return from school”.

When I started to receive written warnings about my sick leave he got aggressive and asked me what the hell I was playing at. Anyway, nothing improved and I was dismissed. I tried telling my managers at work but they just told me there was nothing they could do. They suggested I tell social services.

As for staying with friends and family – there are none. My husband has driven them all away. My closest friend, who I haven’t seen in years only lives in a bedsit and could not accommodate us anyway. My dad is dead and my mum is in a care home suffering from dementia.

I’m currently sitting in my bedroom too scared to go downstairs. I’m not afraid of physical abuse but my husband has just enrolled in a university degree and doesn’t have the intelligence to complete it. He will be expecting me to do the work for him – and if I don’t do a good job I’m a b***h. Only this degree is in (detail removed by Moderator) or something absurd like that so I’m clueless. That’s going to mean hours of name calling and put downs and just no escape.

[Nova]

Hi…on the same subject my ex…wanted me to get a dog and ‘take early retirement’ then went ballistic when I lost a job, that I loved with lovely people, through to acute anxiety…because of him and his mind bending manipulation… his next breath was’ get a job, you don’t work, why don’t you work, you don’t work’

I FEEL for you and all the other ladies who have been or are going through this complete and utter torture. Keep strong and keep your identity, be with other people, they get to know you and they show you there are good kind people.
Don’t get lost in his manipulative web of control. keep strong keep safe, don’t discuss anything, thoughts plans etc with him…plain speaking coming up …he doesn’t deserve you.

hugs Cx

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