Still not feeling much better, longish post

[Eve1]

Think I woke up about 3am this morning and only dozed after that. I keep doing that and its not helping me. I feel tired and on edge all the time. I didn’t carry on with the antidepressants I got over Christmas and now in wondering whether to start them again. It’s just getting post the horrible side effects whilst looking for a job that bothers me. And I so congratulated myself 6 months ago when I stopped taking them. But I feel like the only thing I want to do is sleep all the time and I feel like I’m can’t get my breath. I even rang the helpline today and left a message to say can they ring tomorrow.
If I start on 10mgs I might be able to cope.
My daughter is at home sick today. She came back from her Dad’s last night, having forgotten to take her homework with her, so she was doing it late. She was a but rude to me soso I pulled her up on it and she flipped, throwing something and locking herself in the bathroom. She came down again soon and was very upset. We managed to do the homework but she is full of cold. So I can’t get on with what I was going to do today but in any case I feel woozy myself.
When her Dad brought her back my kitchen was a mess and he saw it which bugs me. He brings her to the door and than says goodbye and gives her a hug. It only takes a minute but I hate having to see even that small amount of him.
I keep wondering if there could be some other reason for mer feeling like this, menopause? Thyroid? I suppose I could start taking antidepressants and still explore that.
I was hoping to have a date for counselling but not yet. Yesterday I rang the Samaritans and today I got in touch with a family member whom I meeting later in the weak. I don’t know her that week but she’s quite a caring person and I feel like I have no friends.
None of its going to find me a job, but at least I’m trying to help myself a bit. I think my Mum would not have a clue why I can’t just get on with stuff. I know some friends think that too. My head is hurting now. My mum said at the weekend, ‘ you’re not oversensitive are you?’ Felt like a criticism. And yes I probably am, I had to be on alert for arguments growing up and then all that c**p weorth ex husband. No wonder I don’t want to ser anyone
Eve
x

[mixed-up mum]

Oh Eve I feel for you so much – wish I was closer and we could spend time together and support one another……

I’m a bit brighter today – not up and dressed yet – but not sleeping all day like I did yesterday…..

I’ve not slept much either – 2-30 when I posted on here last night, and then awake for the day at 6am….

I still haven’t been to my Doc, putting it off as per usual!!!

I think I may be put on anti-depressants too if I see her – I haven’t been on them for St least 26yrs, and even then I did not feel they helped me ,- but then again my marriage was not good even then – so was ANY anti-depressants going to help…..???

What side effects did you get with them??
Did you feel they helped at all??

As I said I know how you feel, yesterday all I wanted to do was sleep, and I did – I hot up St 5-45 and was awake in 12ish – slep ’til 2-30, awake ’til 6-30 slept ’til 8-30, up for food then right back to bed and slept again from 9-00 to 10-30. Up then until 2-30am.
So I slept a lot of the day.

I too had a bit of a row with my son yesterday, I think when you are tired and low it doesn’t take much to make you short tempered, but at the same time I don’t regret what I said – it needed to be said….

I think it needs to be made clear to yourvex that he does NOT come near your house – drop your daughter off at the gate or you go out to the car – DONT let him near your house – he doesn’t NEED to be there.

My ex drops son off in the driveway – he does not come nearer my house than that EVER.

I would not want him to see my house in a mess and give him the satisfaction of knowing I was not ‘coping’.

[mixed-up mum]

I too have wondered if my problem could be thyroid or menopause – rather than just depression?

I have well done you for ringing up the Samaritans, hope that helped??
Well done too for being more positive and arranging to meet a friend – I have done nothing to ask for help yet – just chat on here.

At least you are doing more than ME – least YOU are trying to help yourself. Good on ya gal!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

My msm too just does not see why I just can’t get on with things – this is all too familiar…..

Hope to hear from you soon.

Take care. x*x

[Eve1]

Hello Mixed up Mym,

Wouldn’t that be great if we could spend time together and support each other. A nice thought. Thank you for your replies. I did stay in bed a bit later this morning to try and catch up on sleep. I still can’t decide on whether to take antidepressants or not. I might see how I go. I took citalopram. After about 2/3 weeks the side effects are not bad, though I think I put on weight which I’ve only just started to lose which is a shame. They did make me feel tired, even though I slept much better with them. That was the worst one really. But the benefits were worth it I thought. Less anxiety. I’ll see.
That was the second time I’ve spoken to Samaritans, first was a few weeks ago. Before that I’ve emailed them, and years ago while still married, wrote. The first time I just cried for a lot of it. It was a man and he was very understanding. Yesterday was a man too. I decided I would ring before my girl came home and it got to just after tea time and I felt ok but decided to ring anyway to talk about all my worries sorry money and job etc. Again the man was very understanding, and relaxed and actually made me laugh. I did cry as well, but it was so nice to laugh! I wish I could speak to him every day! I felt so much better
Re.my ex I have to be feeling strong to make any change to things and I’m just not right now. When I am I will get him to drop her away from the house.
I’ve read on your other posts about your row with your son (sorry I didn’t reply, you are much better at that than me!!). I’m sure it had to be said and good for you for being strong about it. Rows are never nice though, but as you say, like me with my daughter, it’s worse when you’re tired.
I also saw its your birthday soon. All best wishes for that. Will you do something with your daughter if you can’t face contacting friends?
I hope you’re planning a bit of something nice for yourself.
Bye for now
Eve
x

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