31st January 2021 at 7:19 pm #120787
I never thought it would happen to me, but i’m no different to anyone else right?
Looking back the clear signs were there very early on. What started off to be the occasional incidents became a daily occurrence and sometimes multiple incidents in a day. It drained me, the ex told me it was all me, blamed me for everything.
I wish I didnt remember, that I could forget it all. I never did the things the ex did to me. The control was so suffocating and what’s even more sick the ex enjoyed it and knew what they was doing.
I’m out of course, but I don’t feel like a survivor as the emotional scars are still present.
Is anyone out there that has got through this and what helps?
31st January 2021 at 8:45 pm #120798Scottish ThistleParticipant
Looking back on my relationship the signs were there from very early on, I chose to ignore those signs and basically brushed them off and put up with it making excuses for his upbringing or thinking if he leaves me or I leave him I’ll never meet anyone again. I’m out now, I’m single but I’m so content on my own finding myself, doing what I want to do and putting me first – the first time in a very very long time.
It’s not been easy by any means, what helped me was coming off social media for a while, getting rid of ‘friends’ who were just there to gossip etc, blocking my husband off all contact, having the support of friends and family but mostly the support from woman’s aid and my solicitor- two people who never knew me from Adam but believed everything I was telling them and describing to them, also helped that my solicitor also had some brunt of my husbands behaviour in the form of emails.
My husband still tries to get contact via mutual friends but I’ve told them not to get involved. He has his cycles of behaviour.
What works best for everyone is different but I think the main one for everyone is the no contact and blocking of all means.
Hopefully you find something that works best for you
1st February 2021 at 8:26 pm #120861
I ve been pondering with the social media idea for a while.
Sorry to hear about the emails.
It feels odd still not having someone question where I am, who i’m talking too etc.
Thank you for writing and sharing. It’s so helpful to hear that woman’s aid and the solicitor are supportive.
31st January 2021 at 9:57 pm #120801EggshellsParticipant
I think it takes time honey. You just get through one moment at a time. The longer you’ve been away the stronger you become. Lots of people find counselling helps. There are also some good books. If you think that is something that might help then “Healing from hidden abuse” is often recommended.
The forum is my tonic. Nothing helps me more than being amongst women who really understand.
Would you consider visiting your GP? They may be able to help you to get in touch with a counselling service and if you need it, medication.
You are a survivor. You are out and you are surviving. I think the term is very telling “survivor”. One day you will be so much more than a survivor – you’ll be a thriver.
The journey isn’t easy though. Reach out to those who love you. If you don’t have a keyworker from your local dv charity yet, please do give them a call. You need to surround yourself with love and support now. xx
1st February 2021 at 8:34 pm #120864
Thank you eggshells.
I’ve wrote the name of the book down to come back to in the future.
Thank you, Ill make contact with them.
❤️ survivor to thriver xx
1st February 2021 at 9:26 pm #120868ConfusedandHurtParticipant
Hey, i can sympathise with you, I was in an abusive relationship, got out but went back as I believed he would change, months went on with more manipulative behaviour making me feel like I was hindering and not helping and always made to feel like everything was somehow my fault. It took for further domestic assault and another person getting authorities involved before I could really understand what all of my family and friends had been saying to me.
I’ve now changed my contact details, deactivated all of my social media accounts (after blocking and deleting) and gave myself a few days and even just some time without any contact at all has allowed me to refocus on myself a bit.
I know there will be ups and downs but it’s about remembering why you left in the first place xx
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