Still trying to impress him!

[standtogether]

Hi Everyone,

I had a bit of a realisation, well I’ve known for a while, that I am still trying to impress my ex!! The choices I make, sometimes the food I buy or when I buy clothes I think deep down I still want to look good for him, even though he never sees me! With bigger things too like my career, I want him to be impressed by me like he was in the beginning. I have been out (detail removed by moderator) now and I think I do a lot more just for me but this is still obviously something I am doing. Does anyone relate to this?

X*x

 

[Anonymous]

Years ago, I had an eating disorder and my ex really homed in on that while we were together. I put on a lot of weight and he never stopped going on about it. I just self medicated with food as I always do.

Now I’m out, I’m desperate to lose weight to prove to him that I’m still attractive. I’m no contact, so God knows how he’d even find out unless someone else told him.

I hate that it’s important to me. It’s just massively triggered all my past body image issues. I couldn’t feel more disgusting.

[standtogether]

I’m so sorry Lostforever! That’s awful. I totally get the way your feeling though. Did you get the right support for your eating disorder when you had it? Is it something you could get help for now? Sounds like some support around that and the trauma your ex has added to, might help? I guess it takes time to shake their cruelty from our heads. I like to think that one day we won’t care what they think anymore and we will only have to answer to our very own inner kind voice.x*x

[RedGiraffe]

I completely understand this! I am new out and I’m still having contact but I find I’m wearing what I want too, I’m looking the way I want too (make up or no make up, hair up or down). I’m exercising (for me)… but I guess I just want him to see me happy! I think that’s going to be the biggest kicker to him – my happiness!

Seeing that I don’t NEED him! I never did! I wanted him but never needed him! But now he’s going to see that!

My career, my house, my parenting, my style, my hobbies… all mine and what is going to make me happy now!

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