still trying to leave

[Tobfree]

hi just looking for advise and support as been in this abusive relationship for far to long and totaly had enough of the being critized all the time and blamem and the guit trips and mind games and being bullied and berated and trauma bonded and made fun off also he is using any excuse to be vindictive and with hold affection and he never takes responsibility for his abuse to me
i have quite a few disabilties physical and mentally as well as learning difficulties and i know i need support yet i dont want it from him as it comes with a price from him as he uses my vunerabilities etc to abuse me even more he was like my nice guy and mr nasty guy yet now hes just mr nasty all the time
i just want to leave and ive been leaving bit by bit for years as i knew this i had to stand on my own two feet so to speak so i could grow more confident in myself and allow others to support me before i left him for good
its not easy getting free from his trauma bonding and mind games and bullying yet as he is becoming more abusive more vidictive punishing me blaming me finding fault in anything i do he doesnt want me doing or agrees with me doing im trying to get free and not let what he is doing cause my mental health to become worse.so i got to stay positive and reach out to others for support and advise as this helps me lots and makes me feel more positive about myself

[Sunsplashlass]

My darling

Please pop me a message I can massively relate but I did manage to get away but I still feel massively controlled and have a long way to go but I got away and you are strong enough to so it!

There was one thing someone said to me you could remember yourself before being with him and you saw yourself now what would you say to yourself? I’m here if you want to chat more there is so much I can write if you feel you want to share I’m here.

[Hereforhelp]

Hey Tobfree, the trauma bonding is a similar feeling to addiction, once you leave you may find that you pine, almost ache for him (even though you know he is no good for you)… that’s the part when you need support ready and in place… have you mentioned any of the abuse to your local Womans Aid or GP? Also, I emailed my local Citizens Advice Bureau who were really helpful?

I think we can all relate to the Jekyl and Hyde personality these men have (my husband would switch between being ever so nice to silent treatment and aggression until I was obviously frightened, he knew exactly what he was doing, all these men know what they are doing.

Keep reaching out, you are not alone… I separated on my 3rd attempt and have stayed out for quite some months now and I am starting to heal, I am not young and I was terrified of being on my own as I thought I wouldn’t cope, I have coped, no matter what my husband has thrown my way since… zero contact for some time now (I used the grey 🪨 rock method, whereby I made myself so disinterested that it is likened to grey rock, nothing there so he got nothing back and eventually he crawled off under a rock somewhere.
Sending you virtual big hugs ❤

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