Stopping contact

[privatelady]

I’m in the position where the emotionally abusive ex had started to project abuse onto our child at contact.
There was quite a big incident at his last contact (I’m not gonna give details to give nothing away) of emotional abuse and he was told to put her best interests first.
School are aware and are putting in house help in place to help with issues my child had faced (she’s in the younger age of primary school so is young and has been impacted a lot and between me and the headteacher who is the safeguarding lead the smaller incidents and large incident have led to some anxiety around her dad.
No referrals made as he had ultimately gone missing and has been for a few months until recently and now he’s telling me he’s going to have her again and the twisted arrangement he’s decided on begins again (which had never been agreed in the first place)

In the sense of keeping her safe from harm I am going to stop this from happening but I am now terrified of the backslash as I know it’s probably going to get nasty and threatening towards me again. (even my email) and my anxiety going to go through the roof again because I’ll be dreaming of him driving past the house and pulling over. It’s silly one of the neighbours has a car not dissimilar to the one he has and sometimes I catch a glimpse and my heart skips.

Up until this point I’ve never stopped contact. But since he’s vanished I’ve seen a different child as times gone on. She’s sleeping better and not having night terrors (and when she does talk about him she says things like I wished upon a star that daddy doesn’t argue and shout all the time, and she’s even said to her school teacher she’s worried that her daddy will grab her and drag her into a car, that backs up me thinking she’s fearful)

Ever feel like it’s a right thing to do, scared to do it, terrified of the backlash and with it all being based around phscological abuse if he does fight through court it turns into your word against theres (even with masses of screenshots, emails, kept all voicemails, logs of dates, witnesses to irrational behaviour, support from dv services, police log numbers). Still don’t think to this day he thinks he’s been abusive

[cakepops]

I would be very careful and speak to an experienced solicitor before doing anything. I thought I had more than enough evidence of emotional abuse and other harm to my children. I didn’t stop contact, but asked for it to be reduced, yet somehow it has all backfired and led to more contact. The anxiety and health issues my child has are being blamed on me and my fears about my ex. It is unfair and my ex is basically facilitated and encouraged to continue his abuse of all of us.

Ultimately, courts care more about 50:50 and ‘equal’ parenting than they do about anything else – even when one parent is clearly seriously problematic.

However, I do want to say… I believe you. I hear you. I understand.

One thing I have learned is that you will be blamed for your child’s anxiety. Do as many parenting courses as you can to pre-empt the accusation of parenting being the issue. Ask for counselling and Women’s Aid support for yourself, and also see if they can offer support for your child.

[Author]

Posts