Strength needed

[nbumblebee]

Ever had one of those feelings thats today is not going to be good? Thats me today. After a lovely week hes been so nice i think im in for a rough ride. Hes not had sex for a week as i am on my leriod he is now getting rather nasty, hes gone to do a job for my (detail removed by Moderator) and he thinks its down to me to thank him. Its going to be a weekend of nastyness I just know I can see it in his eyes. (detail removed by Moderator) he has to help me with a few favours he hates helping others and is moaning like mad cause he works and i just sit around all day HE WONT LET ME WORK unless it is with him and our business which i have to say is struggling due to covid, i keep trying to tell him that but they never listen do they?
He stormed out (detail removed by Moderator) muttering some nastyness under his breath about the fact that im going to a self defence workshop (detail removed by Moderator) and he really doesnt want me going and will try and stop me but I have gotta do this, its the start of trying to fight back, get strong find confidence self esteme so one day i may even be strong enough to get out. I need to do this but Im finding it all so hard, i need to find some balls some strength to go anyway. Day one starts today I hope 🙄

[Secretlife]

Hello nbumblebee

I am sorry that you’re having to put up with his nastyness, it is so hard when you’ve had a ‘nice’ few days. I’m so glad to hear about your self defense course, go for it girl! You may not realise it but you sound so positive, you are clearly building strength which is good to hear. Well done, and I hope the course goes well xx

[Eggshells]

Hi nbumblebee,

It sounds to me that this is the beginning of a fresh start for you.

First of all you found the courage to post on the forum and within a couple of weeks of your first post, you are attending a self defence class. That is fantastic news. Your confidence seems to be growing. Go for it!

Self defence classes are usually accessed mainly by women (as far as I’m aware). Many of them may have experienced a trigger to be there. You may find that a comraderie forms over time which would be an added bonus. Ofcourse, it may not work out that way but you’ll only find out by going along and trying it.

I hope it goes well. xx

[nbumblebee]

Thanks to you both. Whilst yes I think I am feeling determined maybe not strong im still scared and well aware of how bad it will be later when I return and its only a one off workshop but I thought it may give me a helping hand. But you are both right today I do feel better i am having therepy to help with confidence and self esteme issues and she thinks that as i get stronger he will get worse but eventually I will be able to leave. It may be a year 3 or 10 years away yet but the knowledge that one day I may have that strength that power I hope is what is gonna get me through this. Im like many here live in fear every day I dont want that to be my life anymore and sadly Im the only one that can change it. X

[Eggshells]

You are absolutely right on all counts.

You are gaining strength already. When you’re ready to go, you’ll go. It might be sooner than you think!

Keep preparing, you’ve already come so far in such a short stretch of time. You are doing amazingly well. xx

[nbumblebee]

Can i update you? I did manage to go to the workshop and it was good. But i came home to a nasty husband all night constant put down chipping away picking fault then ignoring me. Today fathers day and (detail removed by Moderator) and im trying hard to keep spirits up but every thing ive done isnt good enough and he is fowl.
Certainly not feeling strong today but Im trying to hold on to yesterdays good feeling x

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