This topic contains 8 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  [email protected] 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #72224
     Landy 
    Participant

    I’m so stressed at the length of time the legal process takes. They still haven’t decided whether or not to charge him yet. It’s been weeks. I can barely function. Wish they’d just get it over with:(

  • #72225
     Sparklegone 
    Participant

    Hi Landy
    Stay strong.
    I know you feel like you can barely function right now but you need to focus on you and your wellbeing. It’s so important. You are important.
    Try and think of things that have helped you relax before in meantime but if you are too stressed to remember have a look online as there are some great resources. Could you discuss how you are feeling with your GP?
    I don’t know exactly what your circumstances are but there are always all of us on here listening if you even need to talk.
    Sending hugs
    SG x

  • #72232
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Are you in touch with victims support? They should be able to give you and idea of time scales and the officer in the case should be regularly updating you. Even if it’s to say there’s no news. It’s out of your hands so try to put all your energy into your recovery. I know it’s difficult but try to remember something you stopped doing because your ex got in the way. Rediscover an old hobby or friend. Healing comes quicker if you still to slowly fill that empty space with happy days x sort out some good counselling and tell yourself either way you did the right thing by reporting his behaviour. You could have made the difference to another woman and he’s on the radar of the police now x

  • #72243
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi Landy, just want to send some support to you💞its so easy to say try not worry, it’s what everyone is told even those not in our situations. But it’s true. Iwas given a sage piece of advice years ago, IF it’s within your control to fix it, do so. IF it’s outwith your control, let it go. This ‘thing’ is ALWAYS at the back of our minds, eating away at us, try and try to find something that takes that feeling away. The more you do that the less it will gnaw at you. Sometimes the enormity of what’s going on does become overwhelming again. I think, we, more than others are on tenderhooks most of all. Once you know more, those feelings will hopefully subside. Best wishes, you are doing so well. Somedays we just have to take baby steps again.
    IWMB 💕💕

  • #72249
     Mimosa 
    Participant

    Hi Landy

    I’m in the same position as you and it is so stressful.

    I have been waiting for a few months for a decision from the CPS and his bail keeps being extended which makes me nervous every time it is coming to an end of the bail period and there is no news. I feel like I’m in limbo, but then again I am also terrified of what will happen next once the CPS have made their decision. At least I’m not with him and me and my children have some time to begin to heal as he can make absolutely no contact and I am grateful for that!

    Take care
    Mimosa
    x

  • #72265
     Landy 
    Participant

    I have been to my gp. He told me it was normal to feel like I do in my circumstances and sent me on my way.

    Spoken to Victim Support, but not had much help from anyone because I work full time and they don’t really cater for that.

    Police haven’t really kept me updated. His bail was up one day last week and I didn’t even know if they had released him without charge or bailed or charged him. When I call the police, they tell me only the officer leading my case can help me and I have to wait until he’s on duty.

    I totally understand why women withdraw their statements. I’ve had almost no support at all bar friends and family and this forum.

    Today, his mum has been in touch about picking up the last of his belongings and tells me he’s making more counter allegations. I think he just fears what’s coming and will do all he can to take me down with him. That scares me.

  • #72266
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    It really is time women were kept in the loop more. Maybe something to bring up with our MPS, so it can be brought up at next parliamentary meeting.

  • #72269
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Don’t listen to his mum. Get rid of the rest of his belongings and block his family. Contact is toxic and I’ve no doubt he will be telling her what to say. Counter allegations are normal for abusers. Cowardly men cannot even accept their guilt and apologise. If you haven’t already, have a look at some YouTube about narcissistic behaviour. These men have to discredit us because we are pulling their mask off and exposing them as abusers which they cannot stand. It just confirms to me that I did the right thing by standing up to him and holding him accountable. Roller coaster ride but you will get there in the end. Stay strong x

  • #72325
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    his mum is continuing his abuse for him, shes doing his dirty work for him that means hes using her too. counter allegations will be more hot air. hearsay is not considered at all when you go to court so dont worry. its not easy rise above it though and dont give him or his family the time of day. id definitely send his stuff to someone else to hand over to him xx

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