struggling

[lostgal]

My depression has been extremely bad lately I feel like such a burden because of it. Ive managed to survive his abuse but most days and especially today I don’t even feel like I can survive getting through the day. I feel so worthless, pointless and disgusting I blame him and although I try to push the thoughts of his away I’m never free. Im trying everything to help myself reading, mediation and even yoga but after I’m finished with it I’m still me and still feel like a waste of space and sometimes that people would be better off without me as all I do is make life worse and its all because of him!!!! People say I’ve got a second chance at life and I’m free but really I’m not the consequences of his abuse have left me suffocating in torturing depression and anxiety leaving me feeling crushed. I can’t even escape it in my sleep I still have nightmares! He’s gone but he took what little hope and happiness I had 🙁

[Put the kettle on]

Big hugs, I can relate to what you say. People expect us to be over it as soon as we leave and it isn’t that easy is it. Have you been in touch with WA or your GP?

[Escapee]

Lostgal – please don’t give in. You have made a huge brave step! Yes it’s scary as f*** Yes the bast**d has messed with you head so badly you don’t know your up from your down but you can do this. Give yourself space to breathe, be patient with yourself.
Remember just to put on foot in front of the other. Don’t think beyond the next few hours and take time to stop and ask yourself ‘what do I need right now?’ – then give it to yourself – five minutes shut eye; vegetable mutilation (I find potato stabbing highly cathartic!); A big chunk of cake; a check in with us…..
I can’t say it gets better as I’m very early in my journey but I have to believe it will.
Love and hugs xx

[Anonymous]

hey lovely lady. you can do this. yes its hard so very hard but each day is s new day and closer to healing. we have all been there all going through the pain but you have done it you got out. this is a new beginning your beginning your fresh start your new life. your not pathetic your not useless your inspirational your stronger than you think. read the secret by Rhonda Byrne. its a bid of a heavy one until you get into it but trust me the universe is waiting for our requests mine are out there i have learnt to le to let go of a lot of baggage. I still hate the Rat that will take some time. you an do this trust me if i have you sure can and im one weak little puppy big hugs

[Lisa]

Hi Lostgal

Just wanted to show you some support, you have been so brave to escape from his abuse and its really normal to feel the after effects for a long time, i can hear you are feeling particularly low at the moment, just take each day at a time and i would encourage you to contact your GP to talk to about your depression and how low you have been feeling.
Stay strong, we are here for you

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[lostgal]

Hi you wonderful women
I’m lost for words really but I really want to thank yous for the amazing support from you all. I always feel very low but its been a dark and bleak few days alone with my own thoughts and unfortunately for me also his are creeping there. I haven’t recently spoke to my GP but I do have a therapy session very soon which I will explain what’s been going on! I understand it takes a while but it’s already been a while and I don’t how much longer I can cope like this. I also don’t know what can be said to me to fix/ heal the broken pieces he’s left behind. I guess I’m struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. Your kind words help so much because it gives a glimmer of hope that his words are wrong and hopefully they’ll F**k off one day but unfortunately they seem to be hanging on. I wish I could see you’s all face to face to really express how grateful and thankful I am to have you helping and supporting me on this god awful journey, to give you a big hug and tell you’s how F***king amazing you’s are!!! (but I guess my thanks and appreciation will have to do on here unfortunately)
Thank you, you have given me some faith and hope in humanity
Love with all the heart (all the broken pieces)
Lostgal xox

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Lostgal, welcome to the forum. You my beautiful lady are not worthless and you are worth being here. Obe i realised it was the relationship i wanted dead i sorry of stopped wanting to kill myself. Yes sometimes those feelings still arose but they’ve become less and less unless he’s got inside my head. These feelings you have are normal, depending on the length of time you were with him, you’ve recovery could take a while. Each of us is different and our timeline to heal is different too. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Keep practicing your self love, because once we love ourselves he can’t win. Have you been suggested any books to read? Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft is a good start, as is the abusive relationship by pat craven. Keep posting and reading others posts. You’ve taken the first impossibly hard step by posting on here, baby steps on your journey ahead, you will get there and we’ll be with you every step of the way.
Love and light IWMB 💞💞

[JustKeepSinging]

Hey. You are doing great – I’m struggling too at the moment. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore – I couldn’t even buy a New purse yesterday because I realised I don’t know what I like!!
Everything you are doing is a step towards rebuilding yourself – yoga! Cake! Seeing a counsellor they are all achievements so celebrate the small things and don’t worry about the big picture right now! I wish I could just stay in bed until I felt better sometimes but I don’t know how long that will take and I don’t want to waste any more time or energy on him!
I’m finding the forum so great not only posting but just reading the other posts makes me realise “wow it’s really not just me” like I’ve thought it was for so long. I wish everyone didn’t have to go through what they have but at the same time knowing I’m not alone in what I’ve been through is great comfort.
I take a minute at the end of each day to make myself think of 1 tiny thing I’ve done or liked or just didn’t hate about the day and cling onto it. It might be sad but some days those things are the only thing I have. I’m really truly trying to learn to be grateful for them.
Stay strong xxxx

[Author]

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