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    • #20915
      Rosie
      Participant

      It’s early days for me. Literally days!!
      He shoved me a couple of times so I told him to leave. He didn’t like that and launched an attack on me!!
      He’s been arrested and charged and pleaded guilty. He has bail conditions which are supposed to protect me and my children.
      I feel betrayed by him and by the CPS, the police asked for attempted an murder charge apparently and got authorised for an assault charge as he would plead guilty for that.
      At least I don’t have to go to court but he’s got away with it and I feel revictimised.
      I can’t sleep, can’t stand to be in my bedroom. I’m off work at the moment.
      I feel like I’ve been trapped in a hell of flashbacks and panic attacks.
      He tried to kill me because I objected to him shoving me.
      I want my life that I fought for back, when do I feel safe, when can I sleep without panicking as I fall asleep???

    • #20919
      godschild
      Participant

      Hi , this is outrageous to give him bail after what he has done to you, there is no justice .I really feel for you, have you got the non molestation order in place and when is your marac assesment, do you have anyone that can stay with you for a little whilst or anywhere you can go to stay so you feel more secure, sending you a hug of compassion xxxx

    • #20936
      Rosie
      Participant

      MARAC was yesterday. No non mol yet as his bail conditions ban him from contact and the town where I live.
      I have friends coming and going, a friend has offered her house whilst she is on holiday. Means ill have to pull the kids from school and sort my cats out.
      Today seems worse so far… I broke down of sorting lunches as he would do all of ours everyday… For a moment I forgot he was gone… And it breaks my heart!!
      All his stuff is gone and it’s like he never existed!! And that breaks my heart!!!
      I hate feeling like this, I hate the panic attacks, the flashbacks… He’s got away with it and I’m trapped in hell!!
      He send a list of stuff he needed to a mutual friend. He wanted money, food and beer. He wanted me to store his things he did t need. Gobsmacked!!!

    • #20949
      godschild
      Participant

      Hi Rosie, Glad you have some friends to support you, it may be good to take up your friends offer as to get away from where it happened may help you.
      You are bound to miss his presence and the things he did and miss him for the person you thought he was , even in abuse we still feel we need them and want them.
      He wont get away with it he will appear in court and hopefully get a sentance.
      I am sure that in the bail conditions of no contact it will include no indirect contact and the list he sent thro a friend is non direct contact if so he is breaking his bail conditions in doing this, how did the rest of his stuff go , it is I beleive supposed to be with police.
      He has an utter cheek sending a list of what he wants , money, beer and food, I would ignore this list and report to the police that has contacted you via a friend im sure this is not allowed.
      Abusers have no concience of what they have done, they just carry on regardless, they take no responsibility at all its sick and he should not have given bail.
      You feel you are in heel at the moment but it will get better in time, you are a decent person,he has to live with what he has done, he will be punished for what he has done, he has thrown away a good Woman who he did not deserve, you take care, take one day at a time, sending you a hug and do report him because if he has sent a list and got away with it he may try to contact more and he is breaking his condition , he has sheer utter nerve in sending you a list and I would not store any of his tuff either, I would chuck it all out. Bless you xxxxx

    • #20973
      Rosie
      Participant

      Witness care called me today and said that apparently he was allowed to sort his stuff and to attend my house with the police to collect!! So he was allowed that indirect contact!!
      Are courts actually for real. All his stuff is gone, and it was fair better this way than him coming round.
      No extras were given, the nerve of him.
      I am trying my hardest, truly.
      I’ve read living with the dominator and I’ve seen some things he did that made me unhappy but didn’t see them for what they were.
      I have wonderful friends and support and I will get there.

    • #20978
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hi Rosie,

      Glad you’re posting for support. Your emotions will be as if you’re on a rollercoaster for a good while. Allow for that. You have been through a shocking, violent ordeal. We are here for you. I’m glad you have good support.

      Keep posting.

    • #20989
      godschild
      Participant

      Hi Rosie, they get a one off visit with the police to collect their stuff but no way should he have sent any lists for extras he has broken his bail conditions by doign that, so glad you have good friends and we are here for you on here as well, take care x*x

    • #21009
      Ayanna
      Participant

      The ex abuser was also banned from the city and he had bail conditions. I still managed to get a non molestation order. I fought with the support of the NCDV, without a solicitor and the judge granted it.
      He broke the bail conditions and this had no consequences for him.
      The non molestation order protected me.
      All the flashbacks and nightmares take time to resolve.
      Mine never got better. I suffer much from them after escaping a while ago.
      I could not live in the marital home.
      I had to move away.
      The bad energy of that place was dangerous for my life.
      It is good that you have a great support network.
      I had nobody and I do not know how I managed to still be alive today, getting through everything on my own and having been bullied at work on top of it.
      The police also brought him to the marital home to pick up things. They really overwhelmed me. They knew I had nobody and they could keep me small.
      I did not think, because I was deeply traumatised and I had nobody to ask. I could not even make phone calls. They came and put me in the police car to wait while he went into the place to pick out things he wanted.
      Everything was so wrong. When they know a woman has nobody they show their abusive faces.
      Make use of your support network. That will make the abusers out there respect you.

    • #21021
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey HUn

      JUst sending u hug of support, u are at early days at the moment, its natural for u to feel like this, well done for posting, whenever u need to chat just post on here, the first month is hard, but in time it will get better and u willbe so glad later, but u on in life when u think that his not in your life, i know your hurting and missing him but focus on how unreasonable his actions were, as for the system well yeah thats shocking how they get away but u just focus on yourself, if u need to cry , just cry , when i left my ex i used to cry everyday in the car into work even if it was just for five min , that was my releasae og emotions

    • #21133
      Rosie
      Participant

      I hate this time of night.
      It’s too quiet, I should be curled up in bed with him!!
      I can’t sleep, I hate it. It terrifies me because of flashbacks. I miss him, his presence used to help me sleep as I’ve not slept properly in years!!
      And now…… It’s worse then ever and I need him to help me sleep.
      I actually want the man who tried to kill me.
      Why?????
      The police told me he seemed genuinely remorseful, and visibly upset who he saw the photos. He didn’t have a bad word to say about me and spoke fondly of our relationship and said he’s ruined everything and is left with nothing. He was angry with himself over what he’s done. It makes me wonder what really did happen
      As much as I don’t want to remember what happened I need to, I need to keep my focus. I don’t want to feel like this, I know there’s no magic wand.
      Part of me wants to text him and ask him why he did it. I know I’ll never get the answers I want and need….
      I actually feel I’m losing it

    • #21138

      Dear Rosie, you will have these strong missing and loving him and feeling empty feelings. They are normal & to be expected, i am still having them now and its a battle to rationalize them. I really love this book, it gets right into the pyschology of why you miss and feel love and need for someone who was so horrible, N********t Free by Zari Ballard. The words are called Trauma Bonding. There is quite a lot about it on this forum. X*X

    • #21152
      godschild
      Participant

      So sorry to hear yo are struggling so much Rosie, it s only natural to feel this way. He maybe saying these things to police to try get himself a lesser punishment no one knows how these mens minds work, but he badly hurt you for whatever reason. Have you called womens aid for support they may be able to give you a worker to help you thro this or can you get any councelling to help you. sending hugs its so hard for you to go through x*x

    • #21156
      Ayanna
      Participant

      He is a good politician. The ex abuser denied everything, although the police had evidence. Your ex abuser is smart.
      By showing remorse the judge will have pity on him. He does everything to get away with what he has done.
      Do not trust him one second!
      Stay away from him!
      Stay strong! x*x

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