Struggling

[unsureginger]

I finally got out a while ago and I’ve been struggling ever since with thoughts that what I suffered wasn’t actually abuse. I see stories of women who’ve ended up in hospital and have had it so much worse than I ever did so I feel like it doesn’t always sit right calling it abuse even though it was. It was clearly abuse when he was screaming at me drunk every night and hitting me and wearing me down every day and yet I still struggle with it. It’s infuriating and I don’t know how to get around it. My new partners been so helpful with helping me to understand everything and but I feel like I’m putting too much on him now. How can it have been (detail removed by moderator) since I left and im only just now truly feeling the effects of everything. When will this end because I’m exhausted

[Lisa]

Hi Unsureginger

I just wanted to show you some support, I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. Everything you have described is really abusive and it must have been so difficult for you. I am glad that your new partner is supportive.

If you haven’t already, you could think about having some counselling. Some local domestic abuse services offer counselling and you can find their details here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

Please keep reaching out here for support, we are all here for you.

Lisa

[Mellow]

Hi try and get some support I’m here on this forum been in a relationship many years and didn’t notice I was being abused when I started reading up on it only this past few (detail removed by moderator) I realised I’ve been abused for years I still question myself I have been hit but only few times it’s mainly emotional and anything physical I’ve always been told it never happened I’m always told I’m crazy when I have a different opinion and now I just want to get out

[dancingdaisy]

Same here, I think it’s partly down to the headwork they do on us. We spend years believing it’s not abuse then when we leave we have to rewrite everything we thought we knew.
What you describe is definitely abuse xx

[Twisted Sister]

Hi unsureginger

Wanted to also add to the support coming your way x

Its very common to feel as you do, that it can’t be abuse/others have it worse, etc. This is an ongoing battle for many, and I include myself in that. Its an awful battle between the two opposing views that goes on in your head. That you have written clearly of the specific things that are abusive, and yet also feel that perhaps it ‘wasn’t that bad’, when its left you feeling awful, and really was bad.

warmest wishes

ts

[Bananaboat]

I feel you. I struggle to say the word in real life it gets stuck in my throat, thinking no one will believe me, but whatever label we use (or decide not to use), the behaviour you experienced and the way he treated you wasn’t right. I think that’s the key. Ruminating on things, playing the relationship over and over in your head is so common and exhausting, and actually only helps to a certain extent. Getting stuck ruminating can be more damaging than good. As the others have said counselling can help but if you need a quick hit to help you through look up Dr Ramani or someone similar, catching yourself ruminating and saying stop now also helps. You’ve been through a lot, it’s ok to take time to heal.

[Author]

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