Struggling

[HaPea]

I’m really struggling with the OH. He has his addictions and he’s been drink driving again. He was messaging prostitutes lying to me telling me he was coming home while trying to arrange overnight visits with other women. When I found out all the messages are a cross between disgusting and romantic and it hurts because the nice bits are things he has never in our entire relationship messaged me or said. It was like this the last time he had an affair too. He’s never been romantic to me but can dish it out to multiple other women if they’re half undressed. I want to leave but he is stubborn and won’t leave/sell the house. I can’t afford legal help. And his family keep telling me to take him in don’t let him sleep rough because he’s vulnerable. Yet I’m expected to take the constant emotional abuse. 😭

[Lisa]

Hi HaPea,

I’m sorry to hear about your situation right now. Understandably you are struggling with difficult emotions and at a loss on what steps to take to make things better for yourself. His family are unfairly adding pressure on you; you must prioritise your needs in all this. Only you truly understand his behaviour and are having to face the consequences.

If you haven’t done so already, do get in touch with your local domestic abuse service and talk through all your concerns. They can provide both emotional and practical help and advice. Often they have links to good legal advice as well, so you can get clarity on rights regarding the property. Him refusing to sell, to let you move on, may be seen as an extension of his abuse and control.

Additionally, if you are in need of free legal advice, you could contact Rights of Women. They are a voluntary organisation that offer free confidential legal advice over the phone. The Family law advice line offers advice on DV & abuse, divorce and civil partnership dissolution, relationship breakdown, issues relating to children. The Criminal law advice line offers advice on sexual offences, DV and harassment, police and criminal justice system, rights of victims, witnesses and defendants and criminal injuries compensation. Their website includes details and opening times for their specialist legal advice helplines and details on eligibility for legal aid in respect of domestic violence.

Economic abuse is wider in its definition than ‘financial abuse’, as it can also include restricting access to essential resources such as food, clothing or transport, and denying the means to improve a person’s economic status (for example, through employment, education or training). Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA) is an organisation sharing knowledge, resources and information on best practice and research and raise awareness around domestic abuse. Their website includes lots of resources and guides for women experiencing financial abuse.

The Financial Support Line for Victims of Domestic Abuse is a service specialising in the financial side of domestic abuse. Anyone who has experienced domestic abuse can call for one-off advice regarding debts, benefits and budgeting from the Financial Support Line, or self-refer for ongoing casework on 0808 196 8845 (Mon-Fri 9am- 5pm).

I hope this is useful to you. Do keep posting here to let us know how you get on.

Take care,

Lisa

[HaPea]

Nothings changing. I still feel stuck. I don’t feel able to face all of these professionals because I keep being made to feel like I’m twisting everything so I keep second guessing myself despite trying to tell myself I’m not making it up.

[Anonymous]

You know your own truth , only you know.the experience I had with womens aid was absolutely amazing.i wouldntnt be were I am today without them. They don’t judge they helped me to see things clearly bcos when your in that situation you don’t see things as clearly as those looking in. I’m sorry you feel stuck .but please know you will be believed.

[Author]

Posts