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Please just some advise. My partner doesn’t like to be impacted by anything or anybody so when I have an issue or a feeling it doesn’t bode well and he gets defensive so I feel shut down. He decides when the conversation must end. He had a female friend get in touch after years of not talking. I felt uncomfortable and he got defensive and told me I’m controlling. I told him o trust his intentions for me and I was pushed to the floor. We have ‘t spoken for days. He said this morning that he’s like to come to the doctors with me to discuss my medical history as he feels I have brought anxiety and insecurity to this relationship and he’s like he is because of it. My reaction to him causes his anger. I do t always respond in a way I know I should and I do t condone it. I have been with him for years and have endured the same thing over and over. Everytime I have a feeling he’s shown defensiveness. He hates to be impacted and feels I stop him doing things. I’m sat in a heap today I can’t go to work after him asking to go to talk about my medical history like it’s all my fault. Please help am I going mad is it me. I’m so so sad.
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Munchkin that sounds really, really strange. (detail removed by moderator)
It’s really dodgy that he wants to go to your doctor, perhaps he may be concerned about you telling your GP about his abuse and so he wants to mess with their records or their perception of things. You don’t have to let him
in a healthy relationship you should be able to discuss feelings safely.
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You could take him along to the appointment with you and call his bluff. If you have a good doctor he may pick up quite quickly on the red flags, especially if you spoke your truth clearly about how he shuts down your valid concerns, anger and emotions the whole time. And don’t forget to mention being pushed to the floor.
You may feel it’s worth it just to observe what happens.But of course you don’t need to agree to this if you don’t want to, it’s outrageous that he thinks he can bully you into this.
They always turn things around so it’s your fault. Always. -
I am sorry that you were pushed to the floor. That is a degrading act of violence towards you. I think it is a good thing to note the date of this physical violence towards you. I hope that you are able to seek medical advice if you have physical injuries. Again I am sorry that this happened. OK so your husband is not interested in talking with you about your emotional concerns and other issues. So it is natural that you feel shut down. You are a human being with feelings. That is not a good thing to have to deal with if it is repeated and is the norm. He says you are controlling and he does not like to feel impacted by anything or anybody. Well he has stated his position. And it sucks! A selfish, immature standpoint. OK you have posted. You have shown you care about yourself and outlined your situation. You have written it down. It exists. It reflects your truth and your feelings. that is a brave step. Do you have a friend that you can talk to about some of these issues? The other thing is that if you visited your GP yourself you can ask for some help in the form of talk therapy which is free on the nhs. If you have access to the internet you can refer yourself. There is also the live chat option on this site.
I am not sure about attending a GP with your husband. It is possible that if you say things in front of the GP that he does not like it might put you in a negative/dangerous position in your home. He does not sound like a man who is going to learn anything from such a meeting because he has stated he is not interested in your issues or feelings.
How about when and if you want to see your GP for advice how about going on your own privately for yourself.
I am sorry that you were not able to go to work due to the stress that you are under. I hope that you can report the issues to your GP especially the push to the floor and how distressed you feel. As it is now impacting your life outside of your home i.e. your work/employment commitment it suggests that additional help and support for you and your life and happiness is going to be positive. Keep posting.
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