7th June 2021 at 9:22 pm #126833BlondexxxxParticipant
I’m really struggling today, my ex ended up back on social media and he’s love hearting girls photos and trying to get attention himself
Iv not reacted at all. He’s just setting out to hurt me now bevause I kissed someone ( we aren’t even together) I am not interested in anyone I just haven’t had attention in (detail removed by moderator) and Iv felt so down lately
On (detail removed by moderator) he ended up unblocking me and asked if he could come pick our son up and take him out for a few hours.
He’s meant to be taking me to a solicitors over it all about fifty percent access.
I agreed just to be civil but then he ended up coming back with him later with takeaway and he came in the house and led in the sofa yet didn’t speak one word to me?!
Then when (detail removed by moderator) had finished he told our child he was going.
He never spoke about custody or what was happening
Never spoke one word to me
Then he left and I looked at my phone and he blocked me again???
I’m left feeling worse than I did when I saw he was love hearting girls stuff
That didn’t actually bother me as much as I thought let him get on with it.
But the fact he came into my home, didn’t skews to me then left and blocked me
Made me feel awful about myself again. Like did he expect me to want to speak to him or did I look bad so he thought I don’t want to even see her again.
He then sent me a message today wnd blocked me straight after telling me to get on with my life now and he would of loved nothing more than to of stayed and (detail removed by moderator) ( I didn’t ask him to even do this?) but it wasn’t fair on anyone and it’s for the best we don’t speak again.
I haven’t even tried getting back with him.
I’m speaking to so many different helplines and reading books to help me get through why he does what he does but I’m left feeling worse like because I kissed someone now he’s out to hurt me.
But he hasn’t even spoke to me for weeks or even tried to sort things out.
He told me he’s a new free man now he doesn’t drink take drugs or gamble but he hasn’t got help for any of his addictions he just went to live with his parents!
I just feel really down like why even come to my house or buy me flowers (detail removed by moderator)!
8th June 2021 at 8:14 pm #126890LisaMain Moderator
I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment, it sounds like you are going through a lot. It must be a really difficult and confusing time.
It’s very intimidating of your ex to walk into your house uninvited. It sounds like a way of making you feel powerless and must have been so unnerving for you. His contact afterwards seems to be an attempt to change the narrative, to make you feel unsure of your own memory of what happened. This could be considered a form of gaslighting.
It’s very normal, when we experience abuse, to question the abusers motives and wonder why someone would, or could, act this way, but in doing so the abuser continues to take up a huge amount of space in our lives and mind. Sometimes it can be liberating to get to a point where we can accept that we may never understand. This can be a real turning point for being able to begin to move on, but it can be a lot easier said than done of course.
It’s important to remember that a lot of his actions are motivated by a need to control in order to feel powerful, this can be for a variety of reasons but reasons are never excuses. Abuse is never acceptable.
It’s good that you have some support in place and are recognising the abuse, maybe some counselling could be helpful, whenever you feel ready for it.
Take care and keep posting.
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