Struggling, and he seems to know

[LyriaTwilight]

I have been very low recently, and struggling with my mental health – hearing voices, and overwhelming anxiety. He seems to sense this? Though I try not to let it show on the outside. I have no strength left in me to fight him off, physically and emotionally and he has taken every opportunity to take advantage of this. I am alone this weekend and I don’t know how much more I can take, especially physically. I feel broken. I have tried to call the helpline but no luck getting through to anyone. I will keep trying. I feel I need to be making some kind of real plans to deal with him, but while I am battling my own mind, there is nothing left over to even know where to start. And I worry that if I do involve police, solicitors etc, that my mental state will mean they don’t take me seriously? It’s quite a lonely place to be – people tend to back off and leave you to it with mental health issues, because they are afraid or don’t understand I guess, rather than not caring.
I know this all sounds very negative. But writing it down here does help. Acknowledging that, actually, all of this is not OK, and not normal, helps. As does reading all of your stories and seeing how far some of you have come. It gives me hope that there is a still a chance for me to be free of him and his control one day x

[Jupiter]

Hi L Twilight

So sorry you are struggling at the moment- a difficult place to be in when you feel alone but we are here to support you. You cant do this on your own.Do you have any help at all? Even ringing the Samaritans is a help and they are free and confidential 24/7. If you cant reach the helpline for WA can you e mail them while you wait? Do you have any plans to leave this abuse? Once you have this and help around you will feel much better and see the way ahead. We have been there and know what it is like but please know that there is hope.No one can make these changes without some strong back up. I hope you manage to make contact with WA or Sams but WA have special knowledge to help with the main issues you mention.
Sending you a hug.
Jupiter x

[fizzylem]

Hi Lyria, can relate to your words, feeling scared that professionals, others will misinterpret the situation as I am unable to verbalize what I need to say and may come across as mentally ill, that he could also use this against me, when the reality is my response is normal in the aftermath of trauma when feeling terrorised and having experienced prolonged stress and anxiety for a number of years. I also felt I needed to gather a lot of info and speak to a number of people / agencies for help – what first? So much to do. I found that standing still was best, resting, injecting self-care and being with friends, those I trust completely only when I felt able was what I really needed; as long as there is no current danger posed to you or your children I’m guessing you could also do this. It’s about giving yourself what you need rather than doing what you think needs doing. Hope that makes sense. Keep posting and trying the helpline x

[LyriaTwilight]

Thank you both. I already left him, quite a while ago now actually. It hasn’t stopped him. I think perhaps because I stayed in the house we shared, he still thinks of it as his – he turns up whenever he likes, kicks off if I don’t let him in, and he will come in and help himself to food, look around my room, go through drawers etc.
My children are in no danger from him, but I guess, I am. Due to the nature of the things he does to me. He is quite violent and angry, and it all seems to be getting worse not better. I have managed to stay fairly calm today and all has been quiet so far. I have had some of my medications increased and I have sleeping pills I can take tonight if I feel I need to. I will try the helpline again. I know I need to get myself together and face up to him, I just need to get myself in a better place, in my head, first I think x

[fizzylem]

LT, just wanted to say what you are experiencing is a normal response to the trauma you have gone through and are still living; does it feel like terror sometimes? Especially when he is around. Also our heads feel battered sometimes don’t they and bodies so very tired. You are not mentally ill; you are experiencing trauma and are being harassed. I dont think this will fully end until you have no contact; you can get a court order to prevent him coming round and once you have this in place if he does come round the police can arrest him. Abusers often up their game once they realise it is over, which is why you need to get some protection in place. Do you think he is the type of person to respond to a police warning? You could speak to the police and they will do this for you – it may or not work, but either way it is on record they have spoken to him about this matter. Dont isolate yourself, pull in as much support from those around you as possible. Hoping you have now spoken to the helpline x

[Author]

Posts