Struggling mentally…Again!!

[Pinkheart]

I’ve came to another brick wall after feeling like I was doing so well.
I just feel totally lost!
I’m a mother, friend, employee but without being those things I’m nobody!!
I just feel totally disconnected from life.
I’m also questioning myself now, was it me who was the problem? Why has he moved on and I’m still here replaying everything in my head.
Sometimes I just want to run away!
I feel like I’m totally misunderstood…
I feel like to all my family and friends I should be happy and able to move on with my life because I’ve finally walked away.
But it’s really not that simple.
People will say, “you’re better off without him!” or “Not your problem anymore!”
And sometimes I honestly just want to scream at them, but instead I say nothing because I feel like now I have walked away I don’t have the right to be be on these mental downward spirals.
I should be happy, smiling and enjoying life now I’m free, but I don’t know when that will ever be??
I’m going to try counselling again to see if helps. The last counselling I had was more about understanding him and his actions, but maybe I need to do something for me!!
I have no self belief or confidence whatsoever anymore.
I’m just existing through life which is really sad!!

[Anonymous]

pinkheart I know that when you’ve been through abuse it can leave you with anxiety , depression, even different forms of ptsd/ cptsd. If you have a supportive gp,they may be able to give you something momentarily I know incessant thoughts are a one of the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder I’m not a g.p or therapist so I can’t diagnose ( I just know from personal experience) I find when I get triggered phoning domestic abuse lines helpful or going somewhere I find calming ( I didn’t find counselling helpful) some people do, I think it’s great you’ve decide to do things for you, even without being all the things you are to other people your still you, we adapt to such poor treatment ( maybe we’ve seen or been treated a way growing up) we accept this as the norm when it’s not normal at all, let someone be there for you or you be there for you you’ve already decided to ( which is good) either way take care x x d

[littledove]

Hi pinkheart,

I completely understand you. I left my abuser (detail removed by moderator)  and my mental health has gotten bad again. I’ve been referred to a therapist for the (detail removed by moderator)  time now. But I feel I’m headed in the right direction this time so I feel more relieved now.

You’re not nobody. Practice self love and realising your self worth. Learn more about yourself and who you are. Journaling and meditation helps a lot. Do things YOU love to do. Take time to yourself. Take up a new hobby and learn more about yourself xx

First of all, it wasn’t you. The very fact you’re questioning it’s you means it wasn’t you. Abusers don’t have it in them to take responsibility for anything.
Second of all, he has moved on so quick because abusers NEED to have the control over someone, this is why they jump from one person to the other. Not because they’ve found someone and all of a sudden they’re so happy and have changed.
No! They will never change, not for anyone. He’ll behave the exact same way he did with you.

I feel the same with friends and family. They mean well and are great support, but they don’t know anything about domestic abuse, and no one will understand it unless they’ve been through it themselves. This is why Women’s aid is a really great service.
It can be so frustrating when people around you don’t get it. I’ve just reached a stage where if I’m feeling sad or low I turn to them to help take my mind off things and have fun, I don’t really try speak about it in detail anymore. And just think to yourself they are understanding in the best way that they can.

You have every right to feel the way you do. Just because you’ve left doesn’t mean you should be feeling happy and joyful and on top of the world. Healing takes a long time, and you have ups and downs. Some days will be great and other days will be bad. You just have to listen to your body and take some time out when you need to.
So please be kinder to yourself. Let yourself feel all the emotions you want to feel.

You will get there. Day by day you’ll get better and better. Just remember how amazing and strong you are to have left a relationship that was wearing you down. You realised your worth and that’s amazing!!
Be proud of yourself, you’ve come so far!

And yes definitely get counselling that focuses solely on you, not him. It’ll help understand yourself better and work to heal yourself, sending hugs, you’re not alone xx

[Author]

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