Struggling to justify leaving

[Justwokenup]

Hiya im new to this forum and it’s been a godsend in making me realise I’m not alone.

I’m so confused right now , I feel like I need to leave the marriage and can see it’s abusive,  although less so over recent years . Although saying that it’s still controlling in other ways – to much to mention in one post.

But I sway between it’s too much to cope with and is it really that bad to almost panic and I feel like I just need to get out of the house.

When I talk to my husband he doesn’t understand what’s changed as its been this way (detail removed by moderator). And I dont know either , maybe losing my dad maybe my age !! But something has changed , previously I could box the abuse away and just enjoy the better times but now all I see when I look at him is the past .

I’ve been having counselling as my partner is convinced it’s one of the above reasons , although he understands he’s been abusive and has had many years of counselling for mental health and anxiety issues he notes that it’s always been like this.

To make things worse last year I started talking to another man , nothing physical just messages which my husband found and now every argument this is flung bk in my face our current marriage difficulties as blamed on this now nothing to do with the years previously.

I was just desperate for some normality not the twitd version of normal I’ve been living under so far !!

I’ve said we should split up and we’ve been in seperate rooms for a yr now but he’s convinced we should stay together and cries when I say we should part.  It’s like ground hog day and I don’t know how to move forward 😔

 

 

[Bananaboat]

Are you happy? If the answer is no, then there’s your answer on why you should or want to leave. It’s as simple as that.

although don’t get me wrong I totally understand it’s not in our worlds because the abuse has manipulated our minds, reduced our confidence and convinced us we don’t have any choices. But people break up every day simply because they’re unhappy or the trust/love has died out. Yes one or both might be upset but the other partner respects that decision and relationships end – only in abuse are we told we can’t or held hostage. You’re not living right now.

I spent years in a home after a split because he wouldn’t let me leave or sell and I wish I’d just gone. Let him cry, that’s his emotions/response to own, yeah it’s sad (he’s losing his supply) but as you say it will not change unless you’re the one to bite the bullet and do it. You don’t have to justify it, he just needs to know that’s your decision.

work it through with your counsellor and explore why you feel the need to justify it, I found that really helpful to do with mine xx

 

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