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I’m so frustrated with myself! I’m really struggling today!! Cannot get him out of my head. I miss what we had. The good times. Struggling so much I was even considering breaking no contact. 🙁 feel like I could pull my hair out!!! I don’t want to think of him. I don want him in my head. As I know logically that the way I was treated was wrong. But ever since I left the relationship I have had a huge gap in my life that I have never been able to fill. A feeling of emptiness and longing. I feel like I want to put myself in his head so he can’t stop thinking about me either so he knows how it feels. He is in a relationship and now has a child. But I want his head to be full of thoughts of regret and pain and longing and emptiness so he knows how awful it feels. I know I must sound rediculous!!! Ugh. I hate this.
The reason it’s all been brought up more in my mind is because I am at an event with my current partner right near where my ex now lives. I can’t stop looking at every car passing or every bone walking past and hoping it’s not him so I do t have to see him with his new partner and child and feel those pangs of jealousy. The empty sinking feeling in my stomach. The feeling that I want him back. I feel so stupid. 😪😪😪 -
“the survivor can come to find that it can be almost impossible to relate to anyone, even family or old friends, except superficially. There is a biological craving for intensity that no normal relationship will satisfy. This provides a feeling of being totally alone, and totally empty. At first, only going back to the primary aggressor can overcome it. It would be normal in this state to believe that something is horribly wrong with leaving (even if it seems equally true that something is horribly wrong with staying). If it can be understood that abstinence from unnatural intensity will eventually restore normal relating capacity, the period of distress can be better endured”
Read all you can about domestic abuse, traumatic bonding, cycle of abuse. Its how i healed and began to understood my feelings. It will get easier x -
Thankyou for you reply kip.
Where’s that excerpt from? It’s brilliant!!
I really hope this period of feeling down goes very soon. It’s been almost a decade since I left. I feel I should be “over it” by now. But clearly I’m not.
That hurt is right there in the pit of my stomach like a lead weight 🙁🙁. I’m having obsessive thoughts about him and I just want it to stop!! 😪
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