Struggling with an anniversary

[Inneedofsomepeace]

Its an anniversary of the last time he raped me. I am really struggling he did this many times but of them all this hurts the most mainly because i dont actually remember. I remember nothing not even going up the stairs. The first thing i remember is waking up the next morning, for certain reasons i know it had happened but i only know what he told me which makes no sense at all. It hurts do much not knowing what he actually did to me. Not knowing why i have lost several hrs of my memory. Its so hard. Now i have woken up and my anxiety is at an all time high. Had anyone else completly lost hrs of a day? Please i dont know how to handle this.

[Falling Skys]

Hi Inneedof

Unless he drugged you or he got you drunk there are reasons why you can’t remember.

My ex rape me, my way of coping was to lock them in boxes in my head. Decades afterwards as I distance myself from him they started to open, I can now remember every detail. I think my mind stop me from remembering while I was still in that situation. Lets face it the thought of someone that you love and they say they loved you, to rape us is not comprehensible.

Have you thought about about rape counselling?

Good luck

FS xx

FS xx

[Inneedofsomepeace]

Thank you. I am on the waiting list to see someone.

[Falling Skys]

Glad your on the list, I have been accepted and am waiting till they space think this will the best way forward for us both.

FS xx

[Inneedofsomepeace]

I’m hoping so. I have so wanted to contact him today, just to ask what he did to make ne loose so much time, i lost hrs but i know he wouldnt tell me.

[Inneedofsomepeace]

I am so tired this morning. I have now had two really bad nights sleep because of nightmares. Sometimes i really wonder if it was worth leaving it doesn’t stop even though I’m out doesnt stop in my head. I think i might try the helpline whilst the children are at school but i feel so guilty phoning them.

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