Struggling with contact

[Peanutbutter22]

I met my ex when I was (detail removed by moderator) and was with him until I was in my (detail removed by moderator). I didn’t realise I was in an emotionally abusive relationship until we had split up. We have two children together, one is old enough to make their own decisions about contact. I moved on and met a lovely man and remarried. A (detail removed by moderator) my ex assaulted my husband as my husband had asked him why he had brought him back to our house on his weekend so we could take my son to his (detail removed by moderator). We didn’t involve the police, and since then I’ve tried to have little contact. I tried a parenting app as I was getting the occasional abusive message, all four adults were on it as he’s moved on also. But we fell out again (detail removed by moderator) as I spoke to him about my son not feeling happy about going to his house at the moment and he removed himself and his partner from the app. We were organising things through my daughter but he’s recently contacted and said it’s not fair on her. I think it’s because he needs contact with me to feel control. I have bent over backwards to give him information and change visits due to his booked events. I am at a point now where I feel my mental health is worth more than this. I want to stop all contact with him, but can I?

 

[KIP.]

Yes, you need to report that assault and get a non molestation order. He’s right about using your daughter that’s not fair. Do you have a court access agreement? If so there shouldn’t be any need for contact. Buy a cheap mobile for text regarding contact. Nothing else and if you don’t have a mutual friend that will do handover then do it in a police station car park and don’t have any contact. Rights of Women offer free legal adivce and you local women’s aid or the national domestic abuse helpline will be able to give you more information. The law is based in fairness and if your ex is violent and has assaulted your husband then there’s no way I’d allow my child there. You want absolutely zero contact with him and if he continues to harass you then involve the police again. You need boundaries and you need to stick to them. All he wants is to continue his abuse through any kind of contact with you.so zero contact is the only way.

[Peanutbutter22]

Thank you for your reply KIP
We didn’t go to court and have had the same agreement for (detail removed by moderator). I didn’t think I could stop contact if he’s assaulted my husband. My husband refuses to report the assault due to more stress to my children. I have tried to encourage it. My daughter is at a legal age to do what she wants with contact so why can she choose and decide? Maybe the phone is a good idea. I was thinking maybe we concrete the times then I wouldn’t have to have contact. He also moved (detail removed by moderator) and insists I do one way each weekend.

 

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