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    • #145973
      HollyBerry
      Participant

      Hi,
      I’ll start with my childhood for context. Few memories – earliest age (detail removed by Moderator) when my sister was born and felt happy to have a sister; age 4 – 2 friends moved away; started school. School wasn’t safe – my first teacher from age 4-6 shouted and hit us. I was hit on my leg because I couldn’t remember which letters my friend wrote and which ones I had written. I soiled my pants in school from fear and at night. My parents knew but were told by other parents that I ‘was coping’. My dad would shout and hit my sister and me. My mum would say I deserved it while comforting my sister. I grew to hide my feelings and learnt that others mattered and I didn’t. I was bullied throughout primary and secondary school and hated school. At (detail removed by Moderator) I was groomed by a trusted adult and sexually abused from (detail removed by Moderator) At age (detail removed by Moderator)  I started dating and got married at (detail removed by Moderator). I had 3 children by (detail removed by Moderator) and went on to do a degree. During this time, I had a flashback of being raped by my husband. I still don’t know if we were married or not at the time or whether it happened once or more but the memory caused a lot of distress and confusion for me. Few people believed me and I was told by my church leaders that I shouldn’t end my marriage. I tried so hard to move past it but I couldn’t. I separated from him (detail removed by Moderator) – our children are now adults and don’t know what happened between us. My sister does, but I don’t know about my parents.
      (Detail removed by Moderator). Now I find out that my ex is going too (I get that and am prepared for him to be there at the event) and also staying in the same hotel (detail removed by Moderator) . I’m now feeling sick and the nightmares have started again.
      I just don’t know how to handle this – I thought at least I’d have the hotel to escape to but now I don’t even have that – (detail removed by Moderator).

    • #145982
      KIP.
      Participant

      Make an excuse and pretend to be ill and leave early? Covid symptoms is a good one x then try to get some good counselling x being in the same room as a rapist is going to trigger your trauma again.

    • #146814
      Auriel
      Participant

      This level of familial/parental toxicity sometimes needs a full on disconnection, Ive been watching a lot of a lady named dana arcuri on youtube as her upbringing mum and siblings sound a lot like mine and a lot like how you described your mam I think abusers know how to sniff out, take advantage and exploit people who have already been abused and it seems like this has happened to you multiple times as well, remember you don’t have to go to any event you don’t want to and you are within your right to divorce under theses circumstances this is your life not the churches it’s too toxic
      🤗💗🤗

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