Struggling with myself

[F1am1ngo]

Hi,
I am in a really difficult place at the moment. I grew up with verbally and physically abusive males in my life and thought I had moved on and was in a great relationship with my partner.
I am questioning my own ability to know what abuse is when it has taken me (detail removed by moderator) of marriage to know he is emotionally abusive towards me. How can I have accepted abuse in my adult relationship and not known it and recognised it? I feel like I’m waking up from a bad dream and I’m really scared of myself and my ability to trust myself. When I look at the friendships I have I question if I can trust anyone when I can’t trust myself.
In the environment I live I see other men treating their partners in the same way so am I overreacting?

[lostandbroken]

I discovered my abuser, was abusive when I began to google his behaviour towards me. All kinds of useful information and peoples experiences helped me to realise that what was happening was I was being abused. This made me confirm to myself that I wasn’t the one going crazy. This site is so helpful and supportive as well, and all so friendly. X

[Iwantmeback]

Hi F1lam1ngo, welcome to the forum. Bring abused like this absolutely makes us question our ability to trust oor judgement. It also removes the blinkers and we see abusive behaviour everywhere. I’m told it settles down, that we’ll begin to not see it everywhere. I have my doubts but we can only wait and see.
It’s not that you personally accepted the abuse, it was normal to you growing up, so you just didn’t see it fir what it was. This isn’t your fault, none of it. These men see something in us that they don’t have, kindness and gentleness to others, and they want it. I liken them to emotional vampires. Funny how attractive I thought vampires were when I was younger, I know better now. To have the life sucked from you, to be left a shell of a person is far from romantic or attractive😟
In time you will learn to trust your instincts again. If anyone crosses your boundaries even if they are family or long term friends you will cut them out of your life. It’s about singing yourself with people who really care and love you. For those you can’t distance from, you’ll learn how to tolerate them but keep a healthy distance from. Welcome to the new improved version of you. You are an amazing person, you always have been. It’s just sad that people wanted to put out your light.
Love and light IWMB 💞💞

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