Stuck

[Galaxyway]

Hi everyone,

I am new here, my friend persuaded me to join but I have always been very anxious in writing things down or letting people know what is going on. But this is something I am changing.

I feel really stuck at the moment, I finally got the courage to apply for the divorce last year and he eventually agreed but I have not got the the decree absolute yet as we need to complete the financial side. It has been hard for me to call this marriage abusive but I seen now it is, not physical but very mental, verbal, financial and coercive. Everything from tracking my phone to never allowing me to be alone.

We are still living together we have children different ages and all at important parts in their education. I have moved into (detail removed by Moderator) room which is not ideal but the only way to get some space from him. We pretty much live a separate life at home but it is still hard as every time I take some control back he finds another way.

(Detail removed by Moderator).

My mental health is being affected, had CBT which helped, work are being supportive and on the waiting list for counselling. My youngest is showing signs of stress, I have one trying to do exams and this is really taking a toll.

Family are only being supportive from a distance and don’t really want to get too involved. He hasn’t even told his family we are divorced. The verbal abuse is constant especially in front of the children, he tries to control them by saying they need to ask permission to leave the house with me and constantly asking what we did and where we went, or accusing me of having multiple affairs with neighbors and strangers.

(Detail removed by Moderator).

Throughout all of this I have tried to do this as fair as possible, as calm as possible so not disrupt the children too much, even though he doesn’t deserve me to be fair and reasonable but the system just seems to be set to fail us. (Detail removed by Moderator).  I have spoken to so many supposed to be specialists in DV solicitors and they all want crazy amounts of money or are so clueless in the manipulation.

[Bananaboat]

I’m so sorry you’re living this, I can fully relate. Whilst not married I’ve been separated for months and he still won’t leave. I’m moving out but it’s a hard slog, with no help but constant snide remarks from him about making him homeless etc. My previous abuser ended up living in the house for several years after we split, bringing his girlfriends round to the house when I was there. I had to sell to escape, stupidly falling into the hands of my latest abuser. The kids really do suffer through all this, so don’t underestimate the impact at this critical time of their education. I don’t have the magic answer but have you spoken to the school? Extra support for the kids would be good. Have you considered contacting your local MASH (social services) team? He won’t leave, why would he when he’s still got the house, food, ability to abuse you – these men really are lowlifes in that regard and you’ll have to take the lead with any actions x

[Galaxyway]

Thank you for your reply. I have spoken to the school and one has been really good but one has not.

I suspect he is seeing other women but he has not been as bold to bring them home.

Feels like having a lodger in the house which is really hard, home does not feel like home anymore. Friends listen but feel like a nuisance now as this has been going on so long so have started to avoid people again. If someone tells me to just breath one more time I really think I will loose my mind.

I would move out but it’s the kids home and they don’t want to leave. they want him to go.

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