19th September 2018 at 11:42 pm #64386
I’ve been away from the forum for months. So good to be back. I’m still in the same position trying to divorce him whilst living under same roof.
Decree Nisi through, but can’t apply for absolute until he settles the financial situation. He keeps stalling. Death in family; grief; stress; now he’s back in work and hasn’t got time! Meanwhile I’m trapped here trying to get myself back to health so I can go back to work.
I know I am making progress it’s just so slow and makes me so frustrated.
I’m so exhausted. He’s back to the ‘I don’t understand why you’re divorcing me’ phase, Again!
I’m trying to stay clear of him as much as possible. His negative energy, drama and lies drag me down. I’m trying to research, find ways to keep positive, build up my confidence and courage ready to try mediation again (detail removed by moderator).
I just wish it was over. As terrifying as my new future is alone, can I manage? How will I cope financially? Will I cope being alone? Etc. I’m ready to give it a go, but he’s dragging it all out, still not accepting it, still trying to change my mind etc.
Sorry for the rant, just couldn’t keep it bottled up a moment longer.
Probably just tired, hurting and having a bad day. I’m so weary of fighting now,I’m exhausted.
Going to take my pills and try to sleep.
Thanks for listening ❤️
20th September 2018 at 2:11 am #64388Twisted SisterParticipant
Hope you manage to get some good restful sleep.
Very tiring having to share the same home whilst going through divorce no wonder you feel exhausted.
Keep posting it out and getting off your chest. Whatever we can do to help warmest wishes ts
20th September 2018 at 6:07 am #64390KIP.Participant
Hi there. Give him deadlines to produce the information. Like you have two weeks to produce x (detail removed by moderator) Otherwise this will drag on forever and each day you are with him is dangerous for you. Explain that to your solicitor x
23rd September 2018 at 9:12 pm #64600NoescapeParticipant
Hi I am in same situation with two children age (detail removed by moderator). The stress is unbearable & his behaviour escalating to the point of police involvement yet no escape. No legal aid if any ewuiry in house keeps you trapped forever! It’s a disgrace that no help and it is not that easy to gain employment when older.
23rd September 2018 at 9:20 pm #64602KIP.Participant
Hi noescape I think there are loopholes where domestic abuse is involved for legal aid and also some solicitors will accept payments x don’t give up
25th September 2018 at 10:26 pm #64708maddogParticipant
I was in a similar situation with Nisi. I first involved the police when he went storming off in a rage. That was a few years ago. He lied to the police to have me arrested and that’s when I realised that he meant me harm. It was when I told him I wanted a divorce because I couldn’t live with someone who condoned the violence of a child against a parent. He had to have it his way so started the divorce proceedings. It was hell.
The Nisi was in position ages ago and I told my solicitor that I wanted Absolute. She, like your advisor, told me to wait until the finances were sorted out.
Death in the family, bullying and harassment from my ex and his solicitor I broke. I know that my outreach worker spoke to my solicitor. I now have Absolute. It may carry risks. At the moment I don’t know.
It was the police what got him out of the house. A little gentle persuasion. It is such a massive relief.
26th September 2018 at 1:02 am #64716
Thanks so much ladies, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond and thank you all for your support. I’ve been trying to survive and prepare myself for mediation. So dreading it I’ve been ill with IBS and nerves flaring up again. Exhausting!
Kip, thanks for your advice. My solicitors has been pressing his to get him moving, but he’s been using (detail removed by moderator) to keep delaying. Being me I agreed to give him time.
We’ve had first mediation now and tried the same tactics with the mediator but he wasn’t phased by my husband and has finally managed to get the financial documents he needed so we can move forward. My husband is so angry he’s avoiding me. Sure sign of how mad he is. He can’t trust himself to be in the same place as me. Luckily for me he is still refusing to accept that he’s done anything wrong or that he manipulates any controls me let alone bullies and intimidates me with his temper yelling and swearing in my face. I’ve been amazed at his level of self control. I’m not taking any risks though I have my escape plan, emergency numbers etc and somewhere to go if his self control dissolves.
No escape, sorry to hear you’re struggling with the same situation. There is help available for us though. My lawyer has applied for help for me and been granted it. Basically he advises me and helps me through the divorce and once the financial settlement has been settled I pay him from the money the judge awards me. Some things I get free and don’t have to pay back like mediation. I have legal aid for that part which is why I agreed to it. I also get advice and support from my local Women’s aid group and there’s Citizens advice who help and advise too. Have you tried phoning them? I was like you believing I was trapped for ever. It’s not true. There’s help and support out there despite owning half the house so having assets. There’s even ways to get financial help from benefits when domestic abuse is involved. It’s taken time and several attempts, some people are more helpful than others, but if you keep explaining the situation and asking for help it’s definitely possible. Don’t give up hope, it’s just a matter of finding the right path for you and contacting the right people. It’s really hard at first to open up and ask people for help and admitting your problems, but it’s worth it to get yourself and your children to safety and start a better, happier life together away from the fear and worry. Please keep reaching out for help and advice. Sometimes there’s stumbling blocks, but keep going and you will get there. Good luck with your journey. We all deserve to be free, safe and happy. Big hugs 😊
26th September 2018 at 1:32 am #64718
Hi Maddog, thanks for your support. I’m sorry you had such a rough time and broke under the stress, I’ve been there too reduced to a quivering, crying wreck unable to even care for my own basic needs. Luckily I had all of you ladies, women’s aid, the helplines, found an understanding and supportive GP, family and a few close friends I confided in. I’m getting there slowly, gathering the pieces of myself and my life up and starting to put them back together piece by piece. I have a fantastic work coach who is so supportive too. I have a brilliant network of guardian angels who are helping me through this. I feel so very lucky to have this network and all of you lovely ladies on the forum. I don’t know how women manage to escape without it. Those who have no one to turn to. I felt like that for so many years and felt so trapped and void of hope.
I’m so glad you have managed to get free of your husband. As you say it’s such a huge relief when mine is in work or I escape for a while. I have hope now. I know that one day soon I will be free. The future, alone scares me rigid, but at least I will have some control over my life. Most importantly I have hope now, something I didn’t have for such a long time. Good luck with your journey too, we will all get through this and be stronger women for it. I intend to help others like us once I’m finally free and strong enough. I believe that’s why I’ve had to struggle through this journey, to be able to help others in the future, to help raise awareness of this huge problem not just the abuse but also the struggle to get help with the psychological and emotional damage they caused. Having this vision to one day be in a position to help change and tackle this is what’s giving me the strength to keep fighting for my freedom. We will not only survive but we will thrive in the end! Sending you hugs and strength on your journey ❤️
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