Stuck in the middle and worried

[Optimystic]

My partner’s behaviour has been terrible. Off for a couple of weeks and made our lives hell. He’s called my son a (detail removed by moderator) and I’ve had the usual rages and verbal abuse. By the end of the (detail removed by moderator), I was an anxious wreck and my son has got zero respect for his dad, and I don’t blame him. So now, he’s drunk again and says I’m acting like I hate him, direct feel part of the family, no-one likes him and very upset about this! He’s oblivious. Can anyone help me deal with this? I’m really angry, I don’t want to be near him, neither does my son and now we’re going to be punished for this. I can’t be nice to him, I can’t stand him especially when drunk and self pitying, when he’s to blame. I’m waiting for a call back from woman’s aid but I’m not sure they think I’m deserving of a case. I’m worried it’s all going to kick off again and I won’t know how to react.

[fizzylem]

Call the NSPCC for help, this is emotional abuse and damaging. They will help you work out what needs to happen and make a plan. If the time comes this would also form part of your evidence.

I can relate to you feeling stuck and just not knowing what to do for the best, or how to handle things, I stayed stuck and did nothing for a very long time. I can see now that was a BIG mistake; what I should have done was call children’s services straight away and let them deal with it and him for us. This came back to bite me in the end, as I was lacking in evidence when the time came but worse than this, it prolongued my child’s suffering and this I regret deeply and still find difficult to this day. To not report or to do nothing is to also collude with the abuse x

[KIP.]

What he’s doing is illegal and seriously damaging to you both. I’d ring the police and report his behaviour. Hopefully your son will give a statement too. By not acting, his behaviour Is becoming normalised and your child learns from this. You can ask ho have him removed from the property. You’re right to be scared as abuse always gets worse. Name calling like that seriously impacts on a child’s sense of self esteem and they are far more likely to be abused again in adult relationships. Protect you both and reach out. I know it’s difficult because the abuse freezes us with fear so that’s why you need outside intervention. The national domestic abuse helpline is always there 24/7 when you need them x

[Optimystic]

Thank you xx
You’ve given me lots to think about. I’ve contacted NSPCC. I’m very worried though, I worry agencies will get involved and take my son away! He’s being really nice today, he’s happy and acting like a normal person. Do you have any insights as to why I look at him one day and hate him and the next I look at him and feel sorry for him? I’m going to call a solicitor this week. WA haven’t been in touch, but that’s ok. I’m a strong person, always have been but actually feel very weak right now. The weakest I’ve ever felt 😰

[gettingtired]

You can call the Domestic abuse helpline any hour of the day. If there’s no one available at the time you can leave a message with a safe time for them to call you back. They call on a private number too. I’ve also emailed Support line to see what support for counselling/therapy there is in my area. You might not feel it but you are incredibly strong x I have felt the same this past week, very weak and confused with all these conflicting emotions x

[Optimystic]

Thank you gettingtired x
I’ve actually called the domestic abuse helpline and it was very strange. I plucked up loads of courage. She answered hello and I was kinda just left hanging? Then I started to blurt stuff out. And I was just given woman’s aid numbers. I’ve called them, and gave them loads of personal details, which worries me. They asked for his name? I asked what was being done with this information, the lady just said oh it’s nothing. It’s ok though, this forum has helped me more than anything and I can do this with you x

[Optimystic]

I’ve not had a call back btw. The lady didn’t really tell me anything apart from I’ll be assigned a support worker. I know there are women in such more need than me, it’s true. I do understand this x

[fizzylem]

You and your son need the help O, the fact of the matter is you simply can not deal with him or this alone – I know this because none of us have or can. You need others to help, to deal with him for you and to also help you workout what needs to happen, what you can do. I guess in answer to your earlier question, maybe you look at him and remember the person you fell in love with? His kinder, loving side, but unfortuantely you can’t have this without his anger and abuse can you; a lot of women stay hoping for a brighter day, only they eventually realise there is no brighter day, just more of the same or worse; guess you find it hard to love someone who has been so awful too and this is only natural isn’t it x

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