Stuck in this is it actually abuse or am I over sensitive!?

[Hellothere]

I’ve been with (detail removed by Moderator) for close to (detail removed by Moderator) years. When we first got together everything was fine. Somethings were a little off like he wouldn’t pay on a date, Taking me out for my birthday but spending all his money the night before so I had to pay for thing etc. In reality I should of got out then he shown little regard for me, but I’d only just left a psychically abusive man and was just glad of the company and attention, plus my parents really liked him.

The realtionship has been really bad for a while. (detail removed by Moderator) mainly calls me names things like r****d, c**t, crazy, selfish, lazy. He puts me down telling me I can’t do things correctly and calls me horrible in front of our children. He’s clapped in my face gapped the side of my head. There’s been numerous times also when (detail removed by Moderator) has stuck his middle finger up in my face and walked off or threatened to smash the house up if I annoy him anymore or he’s punched things like the cupboards when I haven’t listened etc. When I was pregnant I was messing around pretending to take photos of him and he threw me on the couch, I also a few months ago nearly poked him in the eye so he repeatedly punched me in my thigh and when I’ve wriggled or touched him in the night with my feet he’s booted me and once he dug his fist in my thigh so hard I begged him to get off and scratched him
In which he turned around and asked me why I did that. He’s also said things like he’d love to hit me right now.

For years he’s convinced me I’m crazy have mental health issues so I’ve plodded off to my GPs who in turn has sent me to a psychiatric dr who diagnosed me
With Bipolar (which I don’t believe I have, I think I convinced myself into the symptoms of it) in the hope that if I get treated for a mental health condition Out relationship will become better.

I’ve tried explaining how I feel numerous times to him and if I retaliate back now I get called psycho etc. He knows I’ve spoke to my mum over our issues so now when he’s horrible he goes why don’t you call your mum and fell her you’re a victim? Your such a princess etc.

The issue I have is that things get better and I can’t remember what I was even thinking was that bad. Like now he’s been horrendous all weekend and then he acts nice to me. I also wonder if maybe I am to sensitive and maybe I am over reacting.

People see him as this lovely person, he acts so nice in front of others I think if this all came out no one would ever believe me.

[godschild]

Hi I can relate to a lot of what you have described not so much the physical but have been called the same names , told im mentally ill, need sectioning.
Mine also comes accross as he us a really nice caring person, the trouble is like you he can be nice and then change ,its like jeckle and hyde personality.
You arnt overeacting at all this is classic abuse they like to make you think you are overeacting.
He will hate you to have your moms supprt hence the sarcasm.They dont like others knowing how they behave
Mine has thumped things thrown things at me punched holes in doors.
Ive had decades of this and its a cycle of abuse then nice and its only in the past 6 months I have cut off emotionally as I cant be in that cycle anymore.
Best thing to do is call the helpline of your local womens aid they are wonderful and will allocate you someoneto meet up with to help you.
This is all classic abuse and with physical it is dangerous. There is a very good book called why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft available at AMAZON which will give you a lot of insight into the cycleof abuse.
It is so so hard when they are nice to resist them but it always goes back to abuse. coming on here is the first step to you getting support and help xxxx

[Hellothere]

ThAnks. Oh having things thrown at me has happened before to shut me up etc. I’ve looked into that book but know hell would be to play if he found it because how dare I say he’s abusing me etc. I phoned Samaritans yesterday just to speak and ended up crying for ages I think I just need to speak about it atm.

I feel a shell of a person I once was. But I feel pathetic being on here and part guilty/dirty etc because I know his reaction and I feel abit embarrassed if he was to find out.

[godschild]

Most women end up feeling only a shell of themselves, it creeps up gradually
on you. You talk as much as you want on here, you are not at all pathetic being on here
I have felt a bit guilty at times talking behind his back on here but need the support.
Don’t know what to suggest re the book, I no longer hide books etc , Ive even told mine he should read it but with the physical abuse that would not be a good idea, could you keep it at your moms or a friends house and look at it away from him, keep posting x*x

[Bridget Jones Is Free]

I too have that book and hide it. God knows how tempted I am to ask him to read it…but it’s dangerous.
Please believe us when we say you are not oversensitive and overreacting. You are being abused.
When I went to the CAB more than a year ago, I divulged I had been slapped and strangled, and you know what? I believed I was overreacting…
Listen to yourself and do ask yourself what you would advise a friend if she was telling you what you tell us? Would you consider the relationship and the behaviour normal? No!
As advised by the other ladies, please seek help. You are probably not suffering from any mental issue, he is making you mental. Please read Codependency No More, and you may find descriptions of what we become as we become victims of abuse.
It will take time for you to realise. But hopefully you will in time end, you will understand in time, and please stay safe, this man is physically abusive and it is a worry. He relies on threats and physical abuse to keep you under his control. You end up doubting yourself in the end…don’t!!!

Please seek help asap. The fact that you are writing on the forum is a positive sign you know deep down the relationship is not right. It is simply dangerous. Don’t doubt yourself.
X*x BJ

[Anonymous]

Dear Hellothere
I’m so sorry to hear you too are being abused. So are/have all of us her. We’re wise, kind, beautiful women every one of us. None of us is pathetic – far from it. We’ve been faced with intolerable cruelty, that’s all.

Could you download the book to your phone?

As others have said, you’ve made the first step to taking back your freedom, your life. Keep going! We’re here for you, every step of the way.

Much love S xx

[Serenity]

Don’t doubt it. It is horrific abuse.

We get so used to the abuse, it becomes our norm and we don’t even see it as abuse- or question ourselves. Because they blame us.

I don’t think you should take the diagnosis of bipolar seriously before considering whether in fact you have PTSD, which comes from living with an abuser. PTSD can appear like bipolar.

He sounds like a horrible man. I wish I could get all these abusers and dump them on an island somewhere where they can all give eachother a taste of their own medicine, and leave us all in peace.

[Hellothere]

I feel so daft, But I’m also angry. He’s acting all nice now and like everything is back to normal but it won’t be long until he flips again. I just want to text him we’re over but while I live under his roof I can’t.
I should of left when he’s threatened or been psychical but I brush it off as I’ve annoyed him or he’s just in a mood etc.

I think because I can count the times he’s hurt me psychically on one hand it isn’t that bad. And when things get better we get on well.

It sounds silly but I don’t know a life without him now. What if I miss him etc these are all the things holding me back at the moment

[Author]

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