Stuck with a joint home 😭

[trapped1]

Hi all, I’m new. I’m sorry if this topic has been discussed to death but I’m literally at my wits end.

My husband and I have been together many many years with children, he’s always been a functional alcoholic and a bit angry but this has taken over more and more until he no longer works as he can barely stand, he spends all day in bed for and all night staggering around angry at me, if I’ve worked a night shift I have to beg to be able to sleep in the bed alone.

In (detail removed by moderator) I told him enough was enough, the swearing, verbal abuse constant negative put downs were too much and I wanted out. He has ignored that and has no intention of leaving the home, which is joint mortgaged and I pay it. He won’t leave, he won’t buy me out, if I leave he will not pay the mortgage and I can’t afford to rent or buy another and pay the mortgage on that. I’ve been trying to do little things to prepare the house for sale but he keeps breaking things ‘accidentally’ and it’s making the house unsaleable.
I don’t think I can take much more, he torments me by constantly waking me up before I start work (detail removed by moderator) or won’t let me sleep after a nigh shift, he will go out shortly before I have to leave for work and make me late, Amy attempt to confront or address the issues and he calls me aggressive and swears at me.

I genuinely need to get away, there’s no friends or family that can house us

[Twisted Sister]

Hi trapped1,

You can apply for an occupation order, and make him leave because of abuse. There may well be an organisation that can take him on because of his alcoholism.

I am sorry to hear what you’re going through, its torture isn’t it.

I presume that if he was gone you may be able to let out a room for some extra income, so you could cover everything financially?

You would need to call maybe Women’s Aid to find out about how to go about getting an occupation order because he’s pushing you to the limits of being able to hold your job now and depriving you of sleep, as well as the swearing and angry outbursts.

With alcoholism its their master, and everything else gets drained dry whilst it remains so.

do keeping posting and letting us know how you are doing.

warmest wishes

ts

[Bettertimesahead]

Hi
My ex was also a functioning alcoholic but similar to you, he’d started drinking in day, his business was failing and I was dealing with the fall out. Fortunately. Although I didn’t see it at the time matters were taken out of my hands. After an incident he was arrested at my house on the order of fire service. Since committed other offences . I got a non mol and occupation order via ncdv. Now have a court restraining order and about to embark on financial battle. Contact ncdv and women’s aid. X*X

[trapped1]

Thankyou both, I will try and speak to womens aid about an occupational order, it’s so hard as now he’s poorly and I have such guilt 😩

[Bettertimesahead]

Ncdv will help with occupation order.I get the feeling guilty bit, but when those thoughts start creeping in I focus on a couple of key things he did that were awful , but that he felt absolutely no guilt over. I focus on the horrible texts he sent and the way I felt when he reeked of alcohol. We have nothing to feel guilty about. They made life choices and now we are making our own , to regain our lives xx

[Author]

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