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    • #57089

      Just need to vent and hopefully you lovely ladies can share some words of wisdom of how to not let those men get under our skin any longer with their flipping antics.

      I left the emotionally, financial and sometimes physically abusive relationship for almost (Detail removed by moderator) now. The only contact we have is when he picks our child up (Detail removed by moderator). We speak via WhatsApp only.

      I recently informed him that I would be going on holiday with our child. Of course he used that as a way to exert control over the situation as he needs to consent. But I didn’t rise to that confrontation.

      I’ve tried (Detail removed by moderator) to get a parenting plan in place, he refused. I have now contacted a mediator which lead to a series of pity messages of how I am ruining his life, how he’s don’t nothing wrong and why do I keep playing foolish games etc. To which I didn’t respond. An hour later he then sends a more threatening message saying I can’t go on holiday until the whole mediation is sorted. I did respond to his message stating that it’s is pretty sad and selfish for him to deny his child a holiday for no valid reason. He can try and take me to court but would be a compete waste of his money as he has no valid reason for us not to fly. And going to mediation is very a mature thing to do. Of course he didn’t reply. Gosh he just says things for effect. It’s so irritating. I don’t take kindly to threats, especially from him

      I’m not afraid anymore. I wish he would just get the message and leave me alone. He’s clearly not over the loss of control. But never again will be put me in that position. It’s a shame our child may bare the brunt of his loss of control and his manipulation but court is on the horizon I am sure.

      He’s also resorted to not letting me know before hand he is on his way to pick up our son, he is always hours late than what we have agreed originally. Lack of messages means I can’t prove for this week he turned up late (I’ve been keeping a diary)

      Thanks for listening just needed to get that off my chest.

    • #57090

      Good idea keeping a journal. When he is late text him every half hour. Then you have a record of him not turning up. You have plans and he’s inconveniencing you. You could always give him half an hour then go out with your child so he either has to wait or misses his turn. A court order will be best all round. Gives him less power and consent can be given in it for holidays abroad. Taking the decisions out of his hands is for the best. They never get over the loss of control. It’s in their nature. Hang in there x

    • #57091

      Thanks Kip. Next time I’ll definitely message so the record is kept. Thanks for the advice. I want to say to him the next time he decides to do turn up late with no warning that ye shouldn’t bother. 2 hrs late is unacceptable really. I don’t even bother telling my child his dad is meant to come because I’ve done that in the past and he’s just been disappointed and then got upset with me as I can’t give him an answer about whether he will turn up of not.
      It feels like a long way away from my son being an adult and then all ties of communication can be cut.

    • #57092

      Do you have anyone who can deal with the handover? Perhaps a family member he has to communicate with. You can drop your child with say your mum or sister, that way you have to have zero contact with him. If it goes to court you want to produce an established pattern that is working that the judge will hopefully just rubber stamp.

      • #57907

        Hey Kip,

        I just wanted to share with you that I spoke to my mum after you gave me this advice and I have gone no contact. Best thing I could have done. I want to thank you.

        I put my foot down and told him I wish not to speak to him anymore. If he isn’t on time or drops our child back late then I will stop all contact until meditation is complete. I sought advice and I am within my rights to do so. I have a diary which shows just how long the lateness has been going for and it’s long enough!

        I feel empowered again and removing myself means he lacks that control. He wont have my mum waiting around as he wants the mask to be firmly on for her.

        I hope you are doing well. x

    • #57106

      My mum could do it. But that leaves her having to wait for him to turn up whenever he feels. I’ll discuss with my mum, he may not like it, but he does have her number and I could be completely removed from the process.

      Thing is we do have an established pattern it just isn’t working because he isn’t showing up on time. Since I’ve moved away from the relationship I’ve noticed a marked improvement in my sons behaviour, eating and general happiness he exhibits. I don’t know how to showcase that in court though.

      Thanks for chatting with me KIP. Really appreciate it.

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