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I took him back and very quickly he resorted to his old ways. My advice is once an abuser always an abuser. He has shown you his true colours and I cannot see how he will be able to keep things up. I had a separation of several months and he was like a different man. When we were separated and he wanted to reconcile he made such an effort i was convinced he had changed. They don’t and even if they do, do you really want to be with someone who has treated you badly. To spend your relationship wondering if and when he will revert to type. Keep your independence. If you’re unsure he should respect your wishes. Tell him you’re unsure and want more time and space. Abused women return on average 7 times before finally leaving so that shows you just how many times and chances we give these men. Build your own confidence and self esteem and don’t settle for an abuser. I know it’s not what you want to hear. I’ve been on this forum for several years and don’t know of one success story. Sad though it is, he’s not your responsibility.
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I am so sorry to be blunt but they don’t ever change. He will revert they always do they can’t hide who they are for long. I rlmensd once (detail removed by moderator) I actually got rid j was enjoying my life I was in a good place the best place I’ve ever been he mentally abused me badly for years. He actually left I was so sad yet relieved but he came back begging for change and a chance I gave in I truly believed if I told all my family and friends and they have him a second chance to well a fourth chance. I think it was (detail removed by moderator) before he went back and in in the same situation but it’s worse and he lives here now and won’t ever leave l.
Give him a chance if you want to but he won’t change I guarantee you this. Good luck -
He didn’t change- took (detail removed by moderator)
All because i didn’t want to tell friends and family etc… (detail removed by moderator) isn’t long enough to know if change is consistent!! Apparently I’m a narc??? Is it me or am I just too forgiving?
My god! He’s now being nice after continuously calling all day and messaging, just to say it’s my fault because I changed my mind!
He’s knows I don’t mean it, I feel like a complete mug for even thinking he could be different so annoyed.
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It’s not you and it’s not that you’re too forgiving it’s that you’re being manipulated and abused by someone who isn’t interested in your feelings or your opinion. His sole purpose is to regain control. They jump from anger to mr nice guy in a split second. Will just keep moving the goal posts. Will lie right to your face. Gaslight you. You will never win an argument with an abuser. Don’t believe a word he says. Zero contact I’m afraid is the only way forward but be very careful as this is a dangerous time for you. They can’t take rejection. It didn’t take him long for his mask to slip.
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The girls are so so right these men really do wear different masks. I know it’s so hard to see through it believe me I took his back many times. One thing I noticed was like they say the change in behaviour so suddenly. One time he pretended to cry and normally i would have fell for it…but I looked at him there wasn’t one tear in his eye and the redness of his face well I believe that was him holding back the anger. Next minute I could hear him laughing with our children downstairs. It’s all an act it really is. Keep strong xx
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Hi, there are no success stories that I have heard of, only more manipulation to make you believe they’ve changed. The councillor my oh went to and I went to a few sessions jointly and on my own, noticed how my oh said he would do anything to win me back. Not how he’d change, recognise his behaviour but that he’d do anything to get me back. Thankfully from the insight on this forum and the many books I’ve read I see through EVERY single piece of his behaviour.
Stay strong, stay safe and keep learning.
IWMB 💞💞
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