Suddenly seeing more abusive relationships

[Anonymous]

Is it just me or since learning and reading and re reading about the dynamics in abusive relationships and traits and all sorts that you suddenly see other unhealthy relationships?

I’m battling with the idea and more than likely the truth that my husband is knowingly abusing /taking advantage abd hurting me and I see this in physical emotional partially financial and verbally.

Yet in questioning why I can’t fully accept once I’ve realised it’s not right I am aware that if I acknowledge this is abuse then actually I’m surrounded by it ?

My parents.. it was a past tense of physical and emotional but now ( can’t say specifics) it is through my children and through emotional blackmail of sorts or silent treatment.
I see it in my mother in law who I’ve been caring for … emotionally pulled because I worry of the outcome eg what she may say to husband the knock on effect ( not to mention she’s fully aware so it seems how he acts and has said to me how everyone gets physical in her day etc and this stuff about how I should pull myself out of it depression wise then next sentence is all fully sympathetic and how I’m just like she was… then in front of people speaks to me as a servant of sorts!)

Then I get messages saying how they couldn’t be without my help …

Then I see it in past relationships but they are thankfully past but it’s making me think it really must be me?

Do I irritate or am I so soft and wet as my husband says that I’m finding things hurtful when I should just shrug off ? But if I shrug off and just not roll over then I get this massive guilt from all sides .

I’m so upset at life in general because I don’t feel I can trust anyone any more. I’ve not spoken more to my friend re the other incident because I’m terrified now I’ll be seen as attention seeking due to not leaving .

Is it a good thing to just want to cut everyone off always . I feel paranoid looking at everyone on school pick up. I can’t stop over analysing every detail any more .

[diymum@1]

I’m feeling like this at the moment. I see it. I worry that I start to ghost people – I know I’m doing it and its no way off dealing with them. I know 3 people who I was formerly kind off close to that I see as manipulative. My fear head is on because I can’t deal with them and I hate seeing what they’re doing to the people around them. I feel the same am I being paranoid – to soft? No. I think what we are doing is setting boundaries before we couldn’t see it or understand it now the difference is we do. We’re not standing for it and people don’t like that xx

Love diymum 💪 💕 ❤ ✌

[PolarBear]

Yes – I am seeing my relationship with my dad and step mum in this light and also I am seeing abuse in relationships of close friends and finding it very hard to witness and not tell them what to do! Especially when i witness my friend’s partner speaking to her young children in a horrible way – it hurts me to the core and reminds me of my upbringing and I just want those 2 girls not to have to be in that situation as I am still healing from all the hurt my own dad has caused me. Its very hard to witness it towards close friends and not get involved but it is their life and their choice. I want to be able to trust that there are good men out there but it can be very hard to believe this when all you know is unhealthy relationships.

[Catjam]

I think you become more aware especially if you are like me and reading everything you can, although that seems to make it worse. I see it in my kids, my dad and my boss. I don’t trust anyone anymore and I think I am kind of grieving for what I have lost. I always thought my marriage was solid and we understood each other but in reality that was all a lie.
What is a normal relationship? Are people truly happy?

[thankgoodness]

You are so right! So many abusive relationships these days. No respect anymore. It’s awful. Bad side of social media is making things worse. I’ve heard so many horror stories about relationships. I prefer to be on my own, single, less abuse, better for my mental health. I’ve suffered a lot and still suffering from abuse, I don’t need any extra abuse from a partner.

[starqueen]

Personally I feel that with regard to being called soft or oversensitive or whatever,an emotionally intelligent person who cared about you and your feelings would understand that certain things hurt you, and stop doing them. Even if they don’t understand why you would be bothered by it, if they care they’d be willing to not do or say the things that are upsetting you because they don’t want to see you hurt. If not then I’d question why they’re still willing to hurt you and make it out to be your fault.

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