25th April 2021 at 10:47 am #125214
Hello Ladies, I hope you are all doing ok.
I need some advice please, I left me abusive relationship many months ago now, the abuse was mental then became physical. I know what I did was right in every way, and when I need reinforcement of this I look at my diary and often think that it was never me writing the words down, how the woman I was became the shell she was then. I am slowly recovering but find it so very hard to stop feeling sorry for him. I have people to talk to am am trying to make plans for my future, but I worry so much that he is not doing well. He has no friends just acquaintances and decided that I was all he needed, that was one of the problems. How do I get over this, he made he choices I know that. I do not know where he is now as I have had no contact since we sold my home, but I cannot stop the feelings of concern for him. Any advice please would be much appreciated.
Take care of you, beachhutXx
25th April 2021 at 11:16 am #125216DarcyParticipant
Hi beautiful Angel… beachhut,
I think it is perfectly natural to have the feelings you have for your ex and you are aloud to so don’t feel bad about it.
However you and him being together did not serve either of you and your paths that once crossed have now gone in separate directions.
I heard a great saying the other day … ”there are 3 types of business, your business, everyone else’s business and Gods business, and the only business you should be in is your own!”
With this in mind all you can do is focus on your business, we cannot live someone else’s journey for them… if you are really struggling hand him over to God, the universe, source, the Angels (whatever you believe) and ask them to guide him and then let him go… your journey is over with him.
Have you tried any cord cutting meditations? This may help you release him. You can forgive him and forgive yourself and send him off with love and gratitude but ask from now on that only unconditional love and light are brought into your life.
Sending you continued love and support
25th April 2021 at 11:26 am #125217
Thank you Darcy, and thank you for sharing the saying, how true it is. 💐
25th April 2021 at 12:24 pm #125220DarcyParticipant
The ladies who read my posts regularly will know how I love a saying or an analogy!!
I’m glad it helped xx
25th April 2021 at 9:43 pm #125228EggshellsParticipant
It’s time to worry about you now. He can and will take care of himself.
His path won’t change and he’ll quickly find others to give him the feed he needs.
Your love and care is for you now. xx
25th April 2021 at 9:58 pm #125229HawthornParticipant
That you still worry about him really goes to show what a kind and empathetic person you are. Give yourself some of that kindness now, you deserve it. Abusers condition us to put them first at all times, to worry about and feel responsible for them. It takes time for that to wear off after we leave. It helps me to notice the thought when it comes “I hope he’s not lonely” for instance, and tell myself firmly that’s not my business or concern any more. That worry is his voice in my head.
They take up so much space in our heads when we’re with them that there’s lots of space to fill with things you actually enjoy once you’ve escaped. I find a good book or some gardening really helps me take the focus off him and onto other (nicer) things. I’m hopeful for us both that the day will come when those thoughts don’t pop up at all, for me they’re already getting much less frequent.
Good luck and take the very best care of yourself xx
26th April 2021 at 7:01 am #125236
Hi, Eggshells and Hawthorn, thank you both for your replies, they were very welcome. It is nice to have your thoughts understood by other people and to see that they are a natural part of this journey that we are all on, I hope in the not to distant future we can see the happier place that our journeys are taking us to.
Take care of you, beachhutXx 💐💐
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