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Hello Ladies, I hope you are all doing ok.
I need some advice please, I left me abusive relationship many months ago now, the abuse was mental then became physical. I know what I did was right in every way, and when I need reinforcement of this I look at my diary and often think that it was never me writing the words down, how the woman I was became the shell she was then. I am slowly recovering but find it so very hard to stop feeling sorry for him. I have people to talk to am am trying to make plans for my future, but I worry so much that he is not doing well. He has no friends just acquaintances and decided that I was all he needed, that was one of the problems. How do I get over this, he made he choices I know that. I do not know where he is now as I have had no contact since we sold my home, but I cannot stop the feelings of concern for him. Any advice please would be much appreciated.
Take care of you, beachhutXx
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Hi beautiful Angel… beachhut,
I think it is perfectly natural to have the feelings you have for your ex and you are aloud to so don’t feel bad about it.
However you and him being together did not serve either of you and your paths that once crossed have now gone in separate directions.
I heard a great saying the other day … ”there are 3 types of business, your business, everyone else’s business and Gods business, and the only business you should be in is your own!”
With this in mind all you can do is focus on your business, we cannot live someone else’s journey for them… if you are really struggling hand him over to God, the universe, source, the Angels (whatever you believe) and ask them to guide him and then let him go… your journey is over with him.
Have you tried any cord cutting meditations? This may help you release him. You can forgive him and forgive yourself and send him off with love and gratitude but ask from now on that only unconditional love and light are brought into your life.
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx -
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Hi Beachhut,
That you still worry about him really goes to show what a kind and empathetic person you are. Give yourself some of that kindness now, you deserve it. Abusers condition us to put them first at all times, to worry about and feel responsible for them. It takes time for that to wear off after we leave. It helps me to notice the thought when it comes “I hope he’s not lonely” for instance, and tell myself firmly that’s not my business or concern any more. That worry is his voice in my head.
They take up so much space in our heads when we’re with them that there’s lots of space to fill with things you actually enjoy once you’ve escaped. I find a good book or some gardening really helps me take the focus off him and onto other (nicer) things. I’m hopeful for us both that the day will come when those thoughts don’t pop up at all, for me they’re already getting much less frequent.
Good luck and take the very best care of yourself xx -
Hi beachhut, thank you for starting this thread. I’m glad you found the supportive responses helpful. I think this is one of the important parts of recovery and rebuilding our lives – how can we reclaim our kindheartedness without being taken advantage of or getting tangled up in old mind games. We are free to wish someone well if they come to mind , but we don’t have to give thinking space to them. By the time we are writing in a forum, the person will have had a lot of our thinking time and concern and care already. Wishing you well as you recover xx
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