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    • #165621
      Butterfly-A
      Participant

      After so long of contemplating, I was certain I was right in thinking that our relationship isn’t healthy and he is abusive.

      However, since reaching out to services and people it seems like ive made it all up. Whereas we were arguing constantly before and he was extremely difficult to be around, this seems to have improved hugely since I have sought help.
      And now as others are trying to help me with actions, I feel like I have made it all up and I dont know what to say to them. One supporter was trying to plan my exit with me, but I feel like it’s not necessary anymore and I dont want to go.

      I am so confused.

      Has anyone else ever felt like this?

    • #165655
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Butterfly-A,

      Most abuse will happen in cycles, so it’s not bad all of the time, and this can be incredibly confusing. It may be that he’s sensed a change or just felt he’d pushed you far enough that if he didn’t start being nicer for a while he’d risk you leaving. Abusers don’t like to lose their power and control and will use whatever tactics they can to stop you leaving.

      It might be helpful to have a read back through some of your posts on here to remind you of his abusive, controlling behaviour. Know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Abuse is extremely confusing and abusers deliberately act in ways that make you question your sense of reality.

      Well done for reaching out to services for support. It’s okay to take as much time as you need to be ready to leave.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #165684
      Butterfly-A
      Participant

      Hi Lisa,

      thank you for your response.
      that’s really helpful. I will be sure to keep reaching out and continuing with this journey, although it seems better, I know its not over yet.

    • #165686
      Allornothing
      Participant

      Hi Butterfly-A,

      I was the same in that there were good periods, when I started reaching out it was a particular bad patch. I agreed to try again (tbh my hand was forced) and he promised everything would change. Occasionally he would ask what I was doing on my phone and I was honest and told him that I would continue with the support I had etc. Within months things were as bad as ever and I felt I had enough tools to leave. Although it was frightening, I knew where I could turn to and had the necessary numbers.

      Don’t disengage with what you are doing, carry on with life but always have everything still there for support. Sending love xx

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