Supervised access concerned fir children safety

[Aliceinwonderland]

So after a really bad weekend where child fractured bone after rough play and a fall that went wrong (that was easily preventable). My Child has had to have cast re-done as part of it snapped- yes he is a lively boy loves to climb jump etc. But after being told no climbing no trampoline, du to common sense. Have had a massive argument with abusive ex. He took them (Detail removed by Moderator) for a few hours (unsupervised as atm only over nights are supervised)(Detail removed by Moderator). On return kids both begging me to let him in house although he’s not allowed I caved in and said 5 mins in garden then bed time. I was looking into garden and ex is chatting too injures child who has cast on whilst he has climbed (Detail removed by Moderator).
I told him to get him down we had huge bust up, I said it was unsafe I don’t want child to have any further injuries. Ex denied it was unsafe, said he told him to get down but child not listening. I said u shouldn’t be letting him up so high it’s not safe. For most people it would be common sense but my ex doesn’t see risk, either he’s too stupid or chooses not to (I think he tries to antagonise me).
I haven’t slept for days my anxiety at all time high, mediation not for (Detail removed by Moderator). Last time he ramps things up then accused me of being mentally unstable, so I’ve no idea what he’s planning now.
I told him I won’t be giving him access if he keeps being unsafe with them
He was furious with me told me I had no right. Today I can’t think what to do at all. I am tempted to call safeguarding team because I am genuinely fearful and don’t know what else I can do to protect my children.
Any advice greatly appreciated x*x

[Tiffany]

Call the safeguarding team. Trust your gut. If you think he is being unsafe then he is being unsafe. You are doubting yourself because of the contact. But you are not overreacting.

[KIP.]

Trust your gut. Call safeguarding and have zero direct contact. Even in mediation you can have shuttle mediation. I’m sure with a history of domestic abuse you do not have to go through mediation. Any contact allows him to manipulate and use your children to manipulate you too. Absolute zero contact will also show the children when they’re older that it’s ok to cut an abuser from your life. Even if it’s their father. Abusers thrive on our distress. He would have got a huge thrill out of watching your distress at your child. A huge power trip from upsetting you. Dont give him the opportunity. My ex would toss our baby in the air and pretend it was fun. I was hysterical and he was making out I was the mad one. You will never ever reason with these men. They simply don’t care who gets hurt.

[Aliceinwonderland]

That’s awful Kip, I haven’t reported him yet he agreed now to supervised contact but his crazy behaviour is escalating. His mum said he’s a broken man and told me not to let my anxiety take over. I am desperate for next mediation session, she convinced him with supervised contact and if anything after recent events things will need to tighten up.
It’s just exhausting, not sleeping and knowing he will use access as means to get to me. He kept saying if he did drink and drugs test it wouldn’t change anything anyway, but because his behaviour still so unpredictable I’m determined to push firbit before any unsupervised contact. It’s hell having to stand up to someone who gets off on convincing everyone I’m the crazy one.

[KIP.]

In my experience blood is thicker than water. Youre anxious because you and your children are exposed to dangerous crazy escalating behaviour and I’m sure you have lived through a nightmare with him in the past so if you recognise this behaviour then it must be really bad. Please reach out and report him. This will help you in the long run. My ex tried to make out I was mad. It’s a common tactic designed to take the spotlight off their own behaviour. I used to imagine a rock of truth in a rough sea. You hang on to that rock of truth even though the waves try to batter you off it. That rock is the truth of his abuse and your experience of it. Nothing moves you from that rock x

[Twisted Sister]

Do report him, its essential that you also protect yourself, he will certainly not in the event of any issues arising and you must take each and every event to keep yourself clear of his abuses (which you mustn’t doubt for a moment that he would take any opportunity to report you as part of his defence against you).

It doesn’t matter that he’s agreed to supervised now, he has still acted in a way that risks his own child’s wellbeing.

Its not you, it is him. You are trying to follow clear medical advise, and certainly you do not have to let him into your home, far better it be somewhere neutral, with others around, for yours and your children’s safety.

warmest wishes ts

[Sunshine]

I have had supervised contact for nearly (detail removed by moderator) His mother and father supervised it.
It has not went to plan but for the sake of my daughter I thought being in her grannies house was better than a contact centre. I tried and Persued a drug test through my lawyer, I was told it was human right too not be tested, however, it would look bad if a sheriff seen this. For that reason I haven’t managed to get that test. Drink is a issue and lucky for me my daughter who is (detail removed by moderator) can tell me if he drinks. He is violent with a drink and if he stays sober potentially she will be ok. So I use this tactic 100%. As I know he will fail. If in my experience and history has taught me anything drink drugs abuse and violence are combined and we are forced contact our children will without a doubt suffer and that is why I am fighting tooth and nail at present to ensure my daughter stays with every night. X

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