Support from outside sources

[Reachingout]

Despite splitting with my ex (detail removed by moderator) and giving birth to our child (detail removed by moderator), I am still experiencing abuse from my ex during handover for our child and also when I have to text him about our child. I have contacted a domestic abuse charity in my area who want to support me but their usual course of action is to do a referral to social services. This terrifies me because my son is my world and everything I do is for him. I’m scared because I’m a victim that they will think I can’t look after him. Has anyone got any experience of this that can offer me some advice because I’m terrified

[Lisa]

Hi Reachingout,

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so anxious. It’s completely understandable why you’d feel like this, but really try not to worry.

The aims of children’s social services is to safeguard and promote the welfare of children in their area. All they need to do is to make sure your child is looked after. They may even be quite helpful in this situation; they may be able to give you some more support around your ex and make recommendations regarding handovers.

That’s great that you’ve been in touch with your local domestic abuse service too; hopefully they’ll be able to give you some ongoing practical and emotional support with everything; maybe even some legal advice around the child contact.

Take care and keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on,

Lisa,
Forum Moderator

[Watersprite]

Hey reaching out it’s brave to post on here it’s brave to leave and it’s brave to be such a protective and loving mum. Everyone’s experience is different but my experience of social services is life saving they protected me and my children and supported us and continue to do so. I was very open and honest with them. The fact you are not with him will count massively in your favour.
You are a protective mum – stay strong in your truth x

[Reachingout]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply.
My ex is such a nasty and manipulative person that if he knew social services were involved he would stick the knife in and make stuff up to make me look bad. He is so desperate not to pay for our son that I have no doubt that he would be happy to see him taken away in the hope it would mean he doesn’t have to pay anymore. Hes so unpredictable it scares me. I want to accept the help that has been offered to me but I feel like I’m failing my little boy by putting him in the position of being reviewed by SS. He is my miracle and the little boy I have dreamt of. He is my life. I feel selfish for asking for help, like I should be able to deal with this on my own but I just can’t. The abuse I get my from my ex is crippling me and I feel like a failure for struggling with it.

[Lisa]

Hi Reachingout,

You’re absolutely not failing your son by reaching out for support with this; you’re doing the opposite; actively protecting him. It actually takes a lot of strength and self-awareness to ask for help. You’re trying to better your own situation so you can better the situation for your son.

The local domestic abuse service you’re in touch with may be able to give you some support/ advocacy with social services if you ever needed it (if he did start to lie about you for example), but for now try not to worry about this. You’ve reached out for help because your ex is abusive; you’re not in control or responsible for his behaviour.

You have done the right thing in asking for support so try not to doubt yourself for this,

Lisa

[Author]

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