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  • This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 weeks ago by Lisa.
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    • #165559
      Wanttogetbetter
      Participant

      It’s been (detail removed by moderator) together. Hes so awful.. he’s like two different people, (detail removed by moderator) every relationship I have been in has been abusive.. I thought this was different. I’d be here all day typing if I could. I got upset an hour ago. Because I was crying he was screaming at me how fat, ugly, horrible disgusting I was. How he hated me. How he never loved me. (detaul removed by moderator) he puts me down and down and down even when I’m at Rock bottom. whole time I’m crying begging for him to stop. Yet he’s just still shouting. He doesn’t care. I hold on to the times he’s so lovely. And hope for him to change but he doesn’t. I can’t leave.. the thought of him with someone else makes me sick, I don’t want anyone else.. I want him to change and be with me. This hurts so bad I feel like I’d die without him. I can’t bring myself to leave. I have (detail removed by moderator) and so fear of abandonment, I’m in active therapy and medicated. He has (detail removed by moderator) and won’t get any help.. how do I become strong! How do I leave? How do I stop my brain imagining him changing, or becoming a better person. Or for the next girl he’d treat her so well.. I don’t talk to anybody.. I don’t want them to think of him in any negative way. I have a daughter with him. He doesn’t help in any way . Please I feel like I will be forever miserable broken shell of myself. Whats wrong with me? .

    • #165564
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      Hi wanttogetbetter, I am so sorry you are with another abusive partner…it isn’t your fault…
      How you describe how you feel, like you would die without him, that you cannot bare the thought of him with someone else… that describes a trauma bond which releases the same chemicals as if you are addicted…
      You sound very distraught and understandably so…
      You have Support from a therapist? Have you contacted your local Women’s Aid or on chat on here as theycan be really helpfu?
      There is nothing wrong with you…you entered this relationship not wanting to be abused, he has chosen to treat you this way for his own reasons.
      He can treat you nicely as all these men can..that’s what I mean, he is chosing to treat you badly and there’s no excuse.
      I think we all hold onto the good times… I was with my abusive husband for way too long, I also used to feel sick at the thought of not only him with someone else but also myself..
      Big hugs
      HFH ❤️

      • #165624
        Wanttogetbetter
        Participant

        Thankyou for replying I’m just so lost, I’m definitely in a trauma bond with him I just don’t know how to break free. Another argument (detail removed by Moderator).. the words he says break me.. crush me.. but he doesn’t feel bad. he doesn’t care. I tried to do live chat on here but it doesn’t seem to work for me? And therapy at the moment is group therapy so I can’t talk openly about this really. I want help. I need to leave.. I am a shell of myself. A broken shell of nothingness. I have never felt so worthless and vulnerable in my life. I am crushed

      • #165640
        Lisa
        Main Moderator

        Hi Wanttogetbetter,

        Just to let you know, I’ve sent you a PM about your difficulty accessing Live Chat.

        Take care and keep posting,
        Lisa

    • #165569
      Babyface@
      Participant

      Oh god this is me i feel l exactly the same!! It’s like abusive men go to the same school 🏫 😪 it’s justba crazy cycle. We know how this ruins our mental health but it’s a trap xxxx

      Over the last few years I feel like I’m going nuts

      • #165625
        Wanttogetbetter
        Participant

        It’s the worst I just don’t know what to do? I feel like I need to stay away from relationships because clearly I can’t be trusted who to pick. How can this be happening AGAIN? I am a shell of who I used to be. How can I even love someone who treats me SO awfully? It blows my mind.

    • #165598
      Sad and alone
      Participant

      Not wanting other people to think bad of them is mad isn’t it?! I’m the same. If I told someone it makes it real and I don’t want them to think he’s awful. But even reading other people’s stories on here I can think to myself “they need to get out of that relationship”. I suppose we all can see that, it’s just doing it.
      I am slightly different as things have gone on so long it’s really destroyed my feelings for him but I am still amazed at his lack of empathy, like if I cry as a result of an argument or something he’s said I get told to stop feeling sorry for myself. I get zero affection. It’s hard.
      Try and stay strong, take each day as it comes is all you can do.

      • #165626
        Wanttogetbetter
        Participant

        It’s crazy how I stick up for him and call this love when I know it’s the furthest thing from it. No matter what I do or how much I try it doesn’t work or get better. Hes so cruel.. so mean.. if anyone knew what he was ACTUALLY like.. I thought about recording it sometimes. I think I’m to desensitised to it all. The way he speaks to me would have everyone gasping if they knew. It’s just normal to me now. I want nothing more than to get out

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