Support withdrawn

[Butterfly-A]

Hi everyone,

I recently got some support from a senior of mine. She was really helpful and I felt so comfortable talking to her, she was probably the first person I really ‘disclosed’ things to (outside close friendships) we kind of agreed to meet monthly or so and we would have a chat

Each time we met she would ask me if I had contacted any services. Yesterday I tried to explain that I didn’t feel in a place that I could speak to anyone professional at this time, I really felt that after I told her this she kind of withdrew from wanting to help me.

Has anyone else had this?

I know its annoying for others to hear me complaining but I think people underestimate how hard it really is to seek help form outside organisations

[Caledonia6]

Hi, it’s not easy making that first step and people don’t really understand that. It took me
2 years to seek help from women’s aid.
My sister who has helped me enormously emotionally is now pulling back a bit. I understand it’s not easy for people supporting someone going through dV as they see it as being black and white where it’s just not that simple.
If you feel like you can get in touch with women’s aid they have been a great support to me.
Take care

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Butterfly-A

I really don’t think she would see you as ‘complaining’. For any survivor it is a lot! It’s also a lot for anyone to hear or feel they can help with. This isn’t your fault in any way, and you shouldn’t feel you need to stop saying your truth to anyone, but most have no idea how to help, can feel helpless, and also maybe overwhelmed and not deal with the knowledge well themselves.

So I congratulate you so much for taking such a brave step in doing this reaching out to someone finally. she probably does realise that this wouldn’t have been easy, just from seeing you tentatively take those first steps in telling her. You could maybe say to her that it is a lot to hear, and that you don’t expect her to want to hear more, but hope you can be as you were before you started to talk to her about this.

It can take a lot of others around to give support to any one survivor, as there’s a lot of support needed during and after such trauma and head-messing. It can take a lot of unravelling, but always feel proud of yourself for taking that brave step in speaking about it, and test the waters a little with anyone to get a sense of how open they might be to hearing or helping you with it.

you’ve neither of you done anything wrong, and both been amazing in coming together this way, but I guess we all have our own capacity to deal with stuff that is thrown at us in life, and we need other’s to lean on and offload to, so don’t ever be put off what you have already make a great start with in sharing your truth with others.

Keep going.

Warmest wishes

ts

[Butterfly-A]

Hi twisted sister,

thank you so much for putting this spin on things.

I think somewhere down the line I forgot how much it is for others to take these emotions / experiences on as well as a third person.
I will definitely have a conversation with her about this and hope she will recognise how grateful I am to have someone I could finally confide in!

thank you for your positive support 🙂

[browneyedmum]

I have a friend who encouraged and supported me into going to get help, and now she’s ghosting me.

I’m hoping it is as she says, she’s needing to sort things out for herself right now and doesn’t have the bandwidth at present.

I’ll just wait it out, see what happens. xX.

[Author]

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