Surviving

[Rosie]

Well it’s been a number of weeks since I was violently assaulted and I’ve had confirmation of his sentencing. I don’t think anything will ever be enough!! But he’s being watched and a step out of line and not doing as told and it’s straight to prison! He got everything the judge could give him!!
Got my restraining order and started counselling.
I’m back at work and they’ve been great.
I am finally sleeping in my bedroom, the violent memories are preferable to the nice ones of the living room and kitchen etc!!
I’m taking a day at a time and feel very lucky to be here and can tell the tale.
My friends have been amazing…
I still miss him, the man who tried to kill me… I’ll never take him back. Any advice how to push him out my head!! I’m the one who wants his attention I want to be the one he changes for. But I’m terrified of him.
I wake up having panic attacks he’s in the house… It confuses me and makes me feel worse.
I need him gone from my head. How do I do it????

[godschild]

Hi Rosie, Glad you have got back to work and they have been good to you. So good you have councelling as well and supportive friends.
Dont know what to advise on pushing him out of your head, maybe the councelling will help and time, you have been very strong in coping with what he did xx

[Ayanna]

I am glad you are doing so well.
Just keep remembering what he did. You will soon not miss him anymore.

[sparklesue]

You may not feel like it at the moment but I think you are a very strong woman to do what you have done. It is great that work and friends are so supportive and understanding. One day at a time and tiny steps and remember you survived

[Anonymous]

Hi Rosie,

Well done for getting out and for being brave and seeing the whole thing with the police through to the end. Hopefully he will know not to come near you now because you will not stand for it. You have made a stand and that has to be the hardest thing you could have done. Give yourself time it is early days you need to process everything that has happened x

[Lisa]

Hi Rosie,

You have been so strong at such a difficult and stressful time. I am really pleased to see that you are getting some good support from the forum but please know that the helpline and your local Women’s Aid group will be able to offer you lots of ongoing support to help you heal including counselling and access to the freedom program.

We are all here for you please keep being kind to yourself and keep posting.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Confused123]

HI HUN

Sending u massive hug, i read your post and thought this was me x years ago , so my point is if i felt exactly the same as you did a year ago and i have survived you will too hun, isnt it shocking how we still crave the person that tried to kill us, normal people would think we r mental and have a screw loose, but if you have sadly been with an a abuser you get how they get in our head, told some how take control of our thinking and till u r out u dont get the control back. Well done for reporting him to the police, its the biggest wake up call for some of them but then again sometimes it tempoary and they think they can just do what they want again. HOw do u get him out of your head, keep to no contact, dont give him opportuinty to talk to u , not even via third party, they are very clever at pulling some one in to convey there sick messages to us to pull us back in ,which will look innoccent to others , even sound reasonable to us,but its just a trick to mess our thinking and get back in our heads. For me to get him out of head i did counselling and had to process what he actually did to me, when my ex tried to kill me, my brain shutdown and gave me warnign to get out, but i was too drained mentally and emotionally and physically, i think if he didnt constantly say he was going to kill me i would of ignored my gut feeling,i dont know what changed but something just did and i knew i had to escape . Admitting the abuse actually happend and was wrong was hard for me cause i was like its ok i know it was bad but its ok cause it wasnt that bad cause it happend to me. Admitting how he totally scared me senseless , broke me mentally that night took me ages to process, i just couldnt accept i let some one treat me like s*** . I think i had to learn how to cry again, recovery for me was allowing myself to cry to start of with it was like for 2 min , then 5 min , My ex was a right pyscho , he’d beat me and tell me i could never cry or id get beaten more, but really it was just a trick cause i still got beaten more for not crying too, so for me crying is a big deal as i relate it to fear of my life if I cry, even know if i want to cry i have to console myself that its ok im not with him, i can cry but my brain just works overtime and his message sneaks in . Everyone processes everything in different ways, dont be hard on yourself and accept yourself to be over this quickly, if you do great buut if u find 10 momths down the line u have a trigger, thats ok, ii beleive pourt brain lets us process how much pain we can handle and when the tie is right our brain lets us process it. Seek help from agencies, there is a lot of support out there we jusy have to reach out for it, dont feel no shame , its not our shame , i remember when i first spoke to my cousnellor after 4 months from leaving ex, i just said i feel so stupid i let him do that, i fellfor all his tricks, i even failed tobe a good wife, and my counsellor just said to me your none of those , instead of diverting your attention she said focus on what he did and how wrong it was, i was likebut no i cant cause i feel failure and i feel so embrassed , and she said your not failure. So it just goes to show how they control how we see ourselves and think, they truly break our self esteem. REmind yourself why u left him daily, re train your brain to be alert this man is wrong for u, i had to tell myself daily otherwise i prob would of gone back and prob be dead now.Talk to your friends and families, talk to us on the forum, u will find u can relate to us as we have all expereience abuse or still are some of us, and omg what difference it makes talking to some one who has lived with an abuser compared to someone who has just had normal realtionship. I f u ever need to talk to me feel free to private message me as i only come on here now and again now. And hun, u r doing so well

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