Systematic abuse over 3 generations

[White Rose]

I’ve not posted in ages. Thought I’d got away from the abuse and started to move on. Wrong!!!
Not sure why I am posing now to be honest as it feels a bit of a backwards step but it’s helped me nassively previously so may do this time too.
The second generation of his family are still subject to his abuse as adults and it seems there’s no stopping him.
Potted history of me for all you newer ladies (hi and hugs xx)….Emotional and financial abuse. His first wife got the same but also had more physical abuse than I did – mine was bedroom related so not visible, he also physically and emotionally abused his first family children and they were on child protection register. I’m very close to my step children – I didn’t divorce them – so now know loads about their early life that I wish I’d known before he and I married
After being on the receiving end of over a decade of abuse which escalated significantly in the last couple of years we were together I left with our then teenager and divorced him, financial settlement was sorted and was “ok” though still waiting on last part of payment….. it’s been a while and I think it’s never happening but I can survive!
My teenager is now an adult. He’s blown hot and cold with her since we left – she was previously physically and emotionally abused by him. She’s tried to give him a chance to keep in touch but each time he blows it. She has significant mental health issues – it’s thought probably to be PTSD as a result of what she experienced with him, but may be a more severe diagnosis.
So that’s the background. We thought we were all doing ok…. but….
He’s now upping the abuse of ALL his adult children – financially and emotionally. Telling them about savings he has for them (that’s true as they were set up when they were babies) but that they can’t have them. Saying he’ll buy then x, y or z to help with training or work, paying for holiday then at last minute refusing or even worse buying it then taking it for himself.
He’s contacting them by text (used to use social media but is now blocked by all of them) and they’ve shared the texts with me and they are absolutely shocking. Two have gone to police about him (just as I did) but he’s clever and as soon as he gets the “no contact” message he goes quiet and only sends what are seen as “normal” texts that police can’t use. Police are frustrated too as they know whole story! He’s got a lot of crime reference numbers with his name on them. Thank goodness I kept a log of all my old ones.
My step children are still currently in touch (their choice), my daughter recently gone no contact.
We’re all waiting for him to slip up (or alternatively to get runover by a bus)
We think he’s started on 3rd generatoon now as several of his elder grand children don’t want to go out for the day with him and don’t want to visit him. They say things like “He’s odd. He says things I don’t like.” “I’m not staying inside when he comes I’m going put to play” “I don’t like him he always asks me weird things about you and gran” “He’s crazy I don’t like him always asking me about stuff – it does my head in” So by their parents’ (my step children) decision they’re only having very limited and ony supervised contact and for that I am thankful.
This evil man has decades of abuse under his belt. There’s police involvement on and off for (detail removed by moderator) or more years but still he can’t be stopped.
The other day after a rush of text abuse we were talking about what might happen at his funeral – we all share a very warped sense of humour. There’ll be no family there – he has a large (huge) family who we all see, and are supported by, but who have disowned him. No one will be paying for the funeral so we hope he’s got a funeral plan sorted. We do know one thing though – there will be a massive wake/after party. Sad thing is I bet he’ll outlive us all out of spite.

Thanks for being there (again) xxxxx

[KIP.]

Hey there. Its not a backwards step coming back it proves you are well enough to realise when you need support. Ring Rights for Women for some advice. If you tell someone you do not want contact and they continue to contact you. Thats harrassment. Thats a criminal offence. The contact does not have to be nasty. I would press for action from the police if contact persists. At least his family know he is abusive. My ex still has our kids fooled. Dont think my ex will outlive me lol. Last time i saw him he looked dreadful. Karma!

[White Rose]

Thanks KIP
I’d thought about Rights for Women and suggested the children contacted them as it’s currently their abuse/harrassment not mine. They may well do.
For the first time in a long long time I’m actually wishing he’d make contact with me. Keep checking my junk mail as that’s where his emails go but so far nothing. Typical! I’ll get him if he does but I know if he does contact it will really rock my new found resilience.
I was looking the other day at old emails and saved texts…. I’d forgotten just how evil he was but I read some if them and it was as if it had happened to someone else. I think that’s down to no contact making me a stronger woman and heaps of support from here making me realise it’s him, not me, at fault.
Love and hugs xx

[Serenity]

Hi White Rose,

I hadn’t posted in ages either, thought I was moving on a little bit. But certain things happened to trigger me and I found myself back at the forum.

We are truly blessed to have this forum. At times when you feel at your worst with their abuse, the average person doesn’t understand deeply enough. All the ladies here can completely identify with your feelings, and I hope you feel validated.

The fact that your step-children are close to you is testament to your lovely nature. Just keep on being you. By being you, you can give strength and validation to others and this in itself will mean you are giving them their best chance of standing up to him.

Keep on logging everything as evidence. He will trip up sooner or later.

[White Rose]

Thanks Serenity sorry you’ve had a difficult time recently. Keep positive you’ll be back on track soon I’m sure x

[Eve1]

Hi White Rose,
It’s definitely not a backwards step. I left many years ago (detail removed by moderator!) but over the last year I think I’ve had more help from this forum than ever. No one else understands as well as us ladies.

They just don’t ever change, do they? One day hello be out if you lives fo ever.

Stay strong.

xx

[Ayanna]

My grandfather was like this, promising everyone money which never came.
Best thing to do is for all of them to block him and go zero contact. He will never give money to anybody.
Hopefully, when they talk to Rights of Women, they will realise that zero contact is the best approach.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to this
He isn’t close to any of his grandchildren. They’re very very young but they’ve worked him out.

[Anonymous]

Feeling c**p after trying to call the helpline 3 times tonight.
Just adds to my list of times help hasn’t been available.
Fortunately it can wait a bit.

[Author]

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