Taking my child back to my home country

[Awayfromhome]

Do you know of anyone who has taken their children back to the mother home country without retaliation?

I have no one here and I really would like to leave, but scared it might be seen as kidnapping. My husband will definitely pursue that route.

[KIP.]

Talk to your local womens aid or ring the 24 hour domestic abuse helpline. Rights of Women have a free legal helpline. I know how isolated you must feel which abusers love. Being around family that support you will make a huge difference. Have you told your family what’s happening? Please start keeping a secret journal and confide in your GP. Getting his abuse noted will be good evidence should you need it. Start leaving the evidence you will need in the future by keeping any texts, emails, photos of damage to property or any injuries. Start gathering a support network. You can get all your ducks in a row to prevent his actions harming you all when you leave. Don’t tell him a thing.

[Marmalade]

You will need legal advice and it is important you get this as it could be viewed as kidnapping. Ring Rights of Women helpline. If you can’t get through, see if any solicitors who specialise in family law offer half hour of free legal advice.
If you can’t get anything free, then consider paying for an initial appointment with a solicitor.
You are married so your husband will have parental responsibility.
As far as I know, the decision on whether you have the right to leave may have to be made by a court in the UK. If you leave without permission then you might be sent back.
A large number of countries have signed the Hague Convention. This may mean that if you take the child without his consent you may be sent back here and it will be viewed like kidnapping.
Even if your home country is not a signatory, many countries have reciprocal arrangements with the UK so you may be sent back.
Get legal advice so you know your position, otherwise you could have a lot of problems further down the line.

[Awayfromhome]

Thank you. I have some notes here and there in my diary. My mum knows as she is here on holidays and has witnessed the emotional abuse and controlling behaviour he has toward me. She is insisting that I should go back home with her, but cannot understand that is not as easy as it might be in our home country. I feel so stressed and pressured! I have tried to book an appointment with my Gp but seems hard these days.

[Marmalade]

I would really urge you to look at GlobalARRK that Lisa has suggested and get legal advice.
Your mother is being understandably protective and wants you safely back with her, but it is incredibly important to understand the consequences.
If you are forced back to the UK you may have to live in very difficult circumstances. Some women have had to let their child come back and then be separated from the child.
Please do not be pressured by your partner or your mother. Get proper advice and then decide on your next steps.
Good luck.

[Lisa]

Hi Awayfromhome,

Welcome to the forum, thank you for posting.

As Marmalade has mentioned, a lot of countries are part of the Hague Convention which means, without proper permission, you could be accused of International Child Abduction if you move your child back to your home country. The organisation GlobalARRK specialises in supporting parents in your position, you could get in touch with them for advice (there’s a contact form on their website).

Just to let you know, we can’t have any discussions of details of legal cases on this forum, so it’s likely that experiences of that route won’t be shared here and, if they are, I would need to remove them. This is just because publicly discussing legal actions can jeopardise the outcome and may put women at risk.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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