Talking about abuse to social worker

[Osie]

After months of flashbacks I managed to find the words to explain I was raped, sodomised and sexually assaulted by my then husband. How he wanted to bring men back to my home and have men line up to rape me whilst he watched and filmed. We separated (removed by moderator). I have been struggling to say these words out loud. I could not say what the problem was I just could not get the words out. The CAFCASS officer came out to my home on Tuesday and it just blurted out. I started to panic, it was awful. She was shocked, I was shocked and she ended up saying she was going to send me and my ex for psychological evaluation. She told me that I need to speak to my daughter’s social worker and tell them what I have said to her as these are child protection concerns. I have spent two days panicking. My daughter’s social worker is lovely but again I am back to being mute on the subject. It is so mortifying what he has done, I feel dirty and ashamed. It is just not something you plan to have a conversation about. What do I do?

[Starmoon]

I wish someone else who knows more about this had replied to you already and I hope someone does very soon. I wish I knew more and was able to help but I just wanted to offer some sort of support.
I don’t know what you should do from here but reading that your social worker merely replied by suggesting you go for psychological evaluation angered me so much. Perhaps I’m reading it wrong, or don’t know what the evaluation could bring but it seems the social worker didn’t offer much support or understanding at all. They are supposed to be trained and prepared to hear and see all sorts. She should not have appeared shocked. I personally think she’s been incredibly cold. I know they are only doing their jobs and that the children always come first but I’m pretty sure 99.9% of us do put our children first. Where was the help and support you really needed. Maybe call the help line.. I’m sure they will be able to give you some better advice xxxxx

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi Osie, I really feel for you and totally understand how hard it is to speak about. I have hesitated to reply as I had a terrible experience with this very thing and didn’t want to worry you further. I would take care to look after yourself while talking to the social worker about this even if she does seem lovely. Many professionals have a lack of training and sensitivity about these things. Clearly the Cafcass officer did. It’s so damaging to be brave enough to disclose such things and then be treated that way. I’m staggered about the psychological evaluation. Whats that for? To prove it upset you enough?! I’m not surprised you’re feeling so worried. Do you have an ISVA? In hindsight I really wish I had arranged to have an advocate with me when I had that conversation as it would have been emotional support and made the social worker be far more thoughtful in her approach. Or if not I’d have had a witness at least! I would also ensure there is a very clear, explicit conversation about confidentiality before disclosing information. The shame you feel belongs entirely to your abuser (though I say that knowing exactly how hard it is not to feel it). I hope you manage to get the appropriate, sensitive support you deserve and stay safe through this process x*x

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