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Having spoke to a muslim one simply because they would understand my other halfs culture they told me it was not abuse. Basically before my daughter was born he had told me he was not able to reconcile with his wife. And would divorce. The day he moved in was the day he told me that he cannot divorce her. I made a life changing decision based on a lie. He didn’t apologise for it either. He is not nasty so I have put it down to culture. But have rrecently learned form speaking to people on this forum, womans aid and the domestic abuse line that he is in a nutshell using his culture to advantage himself.
I spoke to the muslim line as he is of asian decent and they say that his background men are unlikely to divorce even if they are unhappy in this marriage. But she didn’t see it as abuse. Seriously though if he justifys culture as the reason for what he is doing and lied i’d say thats a lie if he was honest as beautiful as I think my daughter is I would not have stayed with him. When I have expressed this he has just looked down not tried to justify it. Why won’t he just admit he is wrong?
If you need hope speak to one organisation. I’m pretty sure its a form of abuse.
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Hi Runner
I would say that every person/organisation have their on take on things, this it mine.
It he told you that he wanted to be with you but would not divorce his wife because of his belief, then you knew where you were and not abuse.
But for him to say that he was going to divorce and then on the day he moved in tell you he couldn’t is, he manipulated you to get what he wants, and using his religion to get it.
Also abusers never see what they do as abusing, their way or no way.
FS xx
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Just because something is ‘cultural’ doesn’t mean it gets a free pass, does it? Female genital mutilation is ‘cultural’ but it is not acceptable to the child that is a victim of it. Cultural practices can be abusive and they need challenging so that we can ALL live better lives. Xx
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Cultural… My ex beat me so hard I have permanent disability, he raped, stole and emotionally abused. I went to the Mosque and they told me to try and work things out…to be a better wife. You need to talk to people who are experts in dealing with abuse not in giving the view that fits for them. You dont need to see it for your view or his view..you need decent advise. If my own family had listened to the ” cultural” view i wudda been taken abroad and stitched closed. They didnt andd my dauggters wont be. My cultue dictates arranged marriage..thats not i wany for my daughters because im an individual not juat part of a culture.
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Yeah im ok. I have some visible scars but i have a disability that people cant see which can be frustrating as people sometimes think im being stupid.
Yas youre right. He is most likely decieving and lieing to both of you….and it doesnt really sound like hes going to change. Hope u sort out some help
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Please see my other post in your other thread. In certain cultures abuse of women will never be accepted as abuse. They rather blame it on the woman and tell her to change. You will be speaking to a brick wall.
I have lots of experiences with different cultures as I am from a mixed background. I am very open about their attitudes.Stick to Women’s Aid. If you have the Women and Girl’s Network in your area, they are great too.
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