16th January 2016 at 4:26 pm #7846
My daughter snapped at me today while we were out and I found it so hard not to cry I had to tell her I was just going somewhere for a minute and would meet her in the shop. She’s (removed by moderator) and now there’s just me and her at home, her brother is at uni and she misses him like mad Unfortunately for us he has a girlfriend who takes up all his spare time. They’ve been setting each other quite a while and I’ve got so much on my plays at the moment I’ve given up trying to’make’ him come and see us when he’s home. My daughter’s had some anxiety problems at school which they’ve been quite good with and I’m so anxious about money myself I’m not the happy, relaxed mum I was. Today I just wanted to chat to her but she took offence at what I was saying, it was about make up and said’can we not have this conversation right now! ‘_ really abruptly and I felt so hurt. I was so close to saying ‘I’ve been through so much c**p I don’t need this’, but I didn’t. We are close and I’m close to her brother too. And she loves him to bits but I’d becoming more and more disappointed that she doesn’t see him when he’s home. She never had friends round, which I think I’ve said before. She did once, but the friend went home I’ll. I know I’m too exhausted to let her di it again at the moment. Her room is tiny and full of stuff. She’s always on her phone and I get fed up of heading myself like a scratched record going on and on at her to come off it.
I just want a rest!
16th January 2016 at 4:28 pm #7847
Sorry about typos, hope it makes sense. Seeing, not setting
16th January 2016 at 4:38 pm #7848Falling SkysParticipant
Don’t take it to much to heart your daughter being snappy I expect she is full of hormones.
I can remember being lost and very unhappy when my brother got married. Till then he was my hero always time for me, then all the attention he gave me went to his partner.
Maybe you could do a cinema night at home for her and a friend and pizza and popcorn. Then that’s not to much work.
And when she in a good mood why not suggest a girly day, a bit of shopping and a cake out?
You’re a great mum don’t be to hard on yourself xx
17th January 2016 at 9:46 pm #7908
Thanks FS, those are good suggestions. We’ve had a good day today. I think I’m worried about money and work and that makes you more stressed doesn’t it.
18th January 2016 at 12:36 am #7928mixed-up mumParticipant
Hi Eve, sorry Im not very good with advice, but I know how you feel and I can sympathise with you.
I was VERY VERY close to my daughter when we still lived with her abusive father. However we went through a very hard time after we left him – it took its toll on her always trying to protect me from him and stop him ‘getting to me’ – and when we were finally free she no longer knew what to do, and cracked under the strain she had been under, she went ‘off the rails’ for a bit – she had a few ‘boyfriends’ who were really not very good for her.
She became unrecognisable as the daughter Id known and loved so much – she was so cold towards me and so uncaring, the total opposite to what she had been, she wanted tobspend no time with me, it was very painful to see our very close relationship fall to pieces, and there was nothing I could do.
I tried everything I could think of to save our relationship, but nothing I did made any difference, I was in total dispair, going through a marriage break up AND loosing my daughter, I was heartbroken.
This is what brought me here to survivors forum, and I’ve been here ever since!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Eventually in her own time she healed, and we are almost back to how we were, she will now let me sit next her, without cringing, she will give me a cuddle and a kiss again now, where as before if I came near her she would physically recoil.
When we were ‘estranged’ she wanted to spend no time with me spending all her time messaging boys on-line and pushing me out in the cold – her brother was in his room, she in hers, and me on my own in the sitting room – I spent every evening alone – I thought – is this the ‘better life’ I left him for….. It was a very tough time.
Now she is with me all the time, we hardly see her (removed by moderator) brother, he spends all his time in his room on his Xbox, they don’t get on and argue all the time, he can’t say a civil word to either of us – I just hope in time he will grow out of it, and we will all live together hapily one day……
She had quite a miserable time at school, very few friends, never really fitted in – but now (removed by moderator) she loves it and has made some really nice friends.
I have tried to encourage her to make more effort with her new friends, trying to get her to message them and chat on FB, but she never makes any attempt outside (removed by moderator), I suggested tonight that she ask them out to our house for a few drinks, and maybe watch a film, or go to our local for a few drinks and a supper, or to the local cafe for a lunch – but she won’t do this and its not helping her get to know her new friends if she won’t at least TRY and meet them half way.
I want her to have nice pals she can go out with, but she has got to be seen to make the effort too.
24th January 2016 at 7:59 am #8213SilkyHalideParticipant
Both mine don’t want to spend any time with me. They are so angry and confused. The attention and intensity of dad I think makes the calm and space I’m trying to create feel lonely. Also the drama he creates over things that should be insignificant is multiplied when they repeat things and discuss things with each other.
A misplaced word or misunderstood comment becomes an ottrocity.
I feel like evil in their eyes.
I’m not evil
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